To Have and to Hold
by GriffinStar
Summary: Sequel to 'A Quiet Man', Bates and Anna are married and this story begins on their Wedding Night.'M' rated with good reason.
1. Chapter 1

_I own none of the characters of Downton Abbey._

_Follows on from 'The Quiet Man'_

_Rated 'M' for very good reason._

**To Have and to Hold**

**Chapter 1 - The Wedding Night**

Anna stared at her reflection in the mirror, as she slowly brushed her long blonde hair. She put the brush down and played with the gold wedding ring now proudly displayed on the third finger of her left hand.

"Anna Bates. Mrs Bates. Mr and Mrs John Bates."

She tried out her new name, but it still seemed very strange to her at the moment.

They had been married today, and now the time had come. _That_ time. She stared again at her reflection, seeing the beautiful fine cotton and lace night gown she was wearing, given to her by Lady Mary.

Tonight would be the first time that John would see her undressed, would be able to touch her, would be able to do things … She glanced over at the double bed, the bed that she would share with him, where they would…

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her nerves were making her heart race, and there were so many thoughts rushing round in her head.

There were her mother's words "_Anna love, you do know don't you, that your first time… well, it'll hurt a bit, and there'll be some blood, but try not to make a fuss, just let him carry on till he's done…"_

And Gwen's words _"Aren't you just a bit scared of…you know…of what men do to you with their…thing…?"_

O'Brien was her usual charming self when she'd said 'You _wouldn't catch me promising to obey a man and have him being able to order me about, do his bidding whenever he fancied…'_

And then she'd overheard Thomas coarsely joking "_Bet the old boy will be at her all night, she won't be able to sit down for a week…"_

No one seemed to have anything positive to say, to reassure her about the start of married life.

And yet…and yet she knew that just John's touch made her crave him, that when he kissed her, she felt such intense sensations that she knew she needed his body to feed the passion burning within her.

And now she heard him making his way up the stairs to her…

**xXx**

John had suggested that she go up and get ready first, while he locked up downstairs in Jardine Cottage. This was where they would be living together as man and wife, from today.

He'd realised that Anna was very nervous, and so he gave her plenty of time to get herself undressed and ready. He felt pretty nervous himself, but excited too. He got himself ready as well, leaving just his trousers and shirt on.

Finally he made his way upstairs to their bedroom. His leg had improved considerably over the past couple of years, but he still had to take the stairs quite slowly.

As he reached their bedroom, he quietly called out her name, and tapped on the door,

"Anna? Can I come in now? Are you ready?" He didn't want to scare her by just barging in.

"Yes, John, come in, I'm ready," she replied, and he heard a little tremor in her voice.

She was standing on the far side of the room, waiting…waiting for _him_.

Maybe she didn't realise, but because she was standing in front of the lamp, her nightgown had become virtually transparent. He could see her body in a way that he had only been able to imagine up until this moment.

She looked incredible. He just stood there for a moment as he gazed at the curve of her hips, her tiny waist, the gentle swell of her full breasts… John had to swallow hard to pull himself together, and already he was rock hard with desire for her.

"My God Anna, you are so beautiful," he told her huskily, slowly walking over to her.

"Th…thank you John," she nervously whispered back to him.

As he went to take her in his arms, he could feel her trembling.

"Hey, hey, what's all this?" he asked, tilting her head back to look into her eyes.

"Nothing, I'm just a bit…well…nervous. I've never, I don't really know… what I should do…" she whispered back.

"Just _relax_, first of all. I promise we'll take things really slowly and gently. Or just say if you feel too tired after such a long day, we don't have to do anything, I can sleep downstairs if you'd rather, just for now," he offered, determined to be as kind and considerate as he could for his new wife – even if it meant exercising immense self control. He would make no demands of her that she wasn't a willing participant to, even if she had promised to 'obey' him in their wedding ceremony.

"No, John! I want to be your wife, properly, in _every_ way. I'm just unsure …how …and you, well you're experienced, I don't want to let you down…"

"You won't let me down, you silly girl! And I haven't … for a very long time, so this is the beginning of something new and special for both of us, isn't it?"

"Yes, I suppose it is. I am being very silly aren't I?" Anna said, as she let him take her back in his arms.

"Yes, you are. You do trust me, don't you? You do understand that I love you and that I'd never willingly hurt or upset you in any way?"

"Of course I do, but it's just with it being my first time…"

"I know, but I promise I'll be as gentle as I can, and I promise I'll stop at any time if you want me to…"

With that, John gently brushed Anna's hair away from her neck, and softly grazed his lips against her neck and ear.

"That feels nice doesn't it?" he whispered.

"Mmm, yes it does," Anna agreed, closing her eyes and beginning to relax a little.

John continued to kiss her neck and ears, and was relieved when she seemed to calm down and stop shaking.

"And this, does this feel good too?" he whispered as he rained kisses on her face.

"Oh yes!" she murmured.

It was happening again, his touch, and his kisses were igniting those intense pleasurable feelings in the core of her being. But now these erotic sensations didn't have to be suppressed, she could finally give in to them, as John continued to make love to her.

He started kissing her lips, gently at first, then more urgently, and when Anna gave a gentle mew of desire, it encouraged John to deepen the kiss, gently teasing her with his tongue.

"Do you want me to stop?" he whispered, as he pulled away for a second.

"No, no, please don't stop," she whispered back.

So he kissed her again while stroking his hand over the thin flimsy fabric of her nightgown, and now it was his turn to groan as he savoured the sensuous curve of her hip and then the slimness of her waist.

Beginning to feel a bit more confident and adventurous, Anna ran her hands up to his neck, but she wanted to feel more of his skin, so she unbuttoned his shirt to gain access, and then helped him to shrug it off over his shoulders. She loved the feel of his skin, and started placing gentle nuzzling kisses all over his broad hairy chest, which John found intoxicating.

"Oh Anna, do you have any idea how good that feels, and what you do to me?" he whispered, as he took hold of the firm cheeks of her bottom and then pulled her against him, where she couldn't help but feel his erection straining against his trousers.

"I think maybe I have some idea," she replied breathlessly, gently running her hand over his hardness. She was scared and yet thrilled by how big and hard he felt. She shivered as she imagined how he would look naked….

Her touch inflamed John even further, so now he undid the fastening to her nightgown to allow him to touch her breasts, but before he did, he managed to stop to ask,

"Are you alright? Are you sure you still want me to continue? Because I _will _stop if you want me to… while I still can…"

In reply, Anna arched up against him and placed his hand on her breast, she was _aching_ for him to touch her there. He needed no further encouragement as he caressed her breast, marvelling at how soft, yet firm it felt. His touch made her sensitive rose bud nipple peak against his palm, increasing his desire yet further.

As he passionately kissed her again, he knew it was time to take things further – if she would consent to it.

"Anna, my darling…?" he gently pulled her over towards their bed, and looked at her questioningly. She shyly nodded her consent, and as he undid the final fastening, her nightgown fell away to the floor, and she stood there in all her naked glory. She fought the urge to cover herself up with her arms, as she saw the look of pure admiration in John's eyes as he hungrily gazed at her. He looked at her curves, at her long slender legs, and at where they met, marked by her soft triangle of curls.

Then he raised his eyes to hers in surprise as she unbuttoned his trousers, her hand unable to avoid brushing against his erection and causing him to groan as his trousers fell to the floor for him to step out of. He was now just in his undershorts, but they quickly joined his trousers on the floor too.

Anna gasped as she looked at him. She'd seen her brothers naked when she was younger, but she'd never seen a fully aroused man before, and John was a well built man...

"Oh John …it looks so... will it...?

"Don't worry, it'll be fine, trust me. Just lie here with me on the bed," he encouraged her, and so she did.

As they lay together, John slowly began to let his hands wander over her body as he gently kissed her neck, she'd become quite tense again. But he knew she needed to see all of him at some point, because he didn't believe in keeping things hidden or secret between man and wife, that wasn't his way.

Slowly Anna began to relax again as John caressed her breasts. Then he took her by surprise as he kissed her nipples, taking first one and then the other between his lips and gently teasing and nibbling them.

"Oh...oh John, what are you doing?" she cried out, shocked - but that shock was quickly overtaken by how aroused his actions were making her feel.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't, having come this far with him.

"Oh, no, no don't stop," she moaned.

So now he made another bold move. As he continued to work on her nipples with his lips, he ran his hand between her thighs, caressing her silky skin as he worked upwards, reaching her most private sensitive folds with his fingers. He felt her jump at his touch and try to twist away from him.

"Oh God John, surely you're not going to touch me _there_!"

"Just _trust_ me Anna, trust me that I'm making things easier for you, but if you really want me to stop, then I will."

By now the exquisite sensations that he was creating for her meant that she was losing all of her inhibitions.

"Oh John, that feels so good! Mmm…no, don't stop, _please_ don't stop," she found herself begging, as she writhed at his touch and threw her arms up in abandonment, her hair spread around her on the pillow. John could hardly believe that this was the same nervous girl from a short while ago.

He could feel how wet and lush and soft she was, and having tried his best to hold himself back to ensure that he had made her as ready for him as he possibly could, he was now desperate to enter her, his erection was aching and pulsing.

"Anna, my darling girl, are you still happy for me to carry on, because I think this is the last time I can truly say that I can stop, once I take the next step, I can't promise to be able to exert that much control any more."

"Oh John, I need you, I need you right now, please!" she implored him. All she knew now was that she was desperate for him to fill her aching void.

With that, Anna willingly allowed John to position himself above her, balancing himself to take more of his weight on his good leg. She felt so wet and silky and welcoming, and her sweet little moans and sighs as she felt him gently teasing against her meant that he finally gave in to his need to slide into her, pulling her hips to him and thrusting harder as he met the resistance of her virginity, causing her to scream out for just an instant. But then with one final thrust, he was fully inside her.

"Oh sweet Lord, Anna, you feel so wonderful," he gasped, completely overwhelmed.

Slowly he withdrew and thrust back in again as Anna clung to him

"John, don't stop, keep doing it," she cried out.

"I can't last long, I'm sorry Anna, I'm sorry, I love you Anna" he cried out as he carried on thrusting, reaching his release and climaxing into her, with Anna raking his back as she called out at the intensity of the unfamiliar but incredible new sensations.

They clung together, shuddering and moaning until finally they were spent.

Breathlessly they fell apart, and lay there, taking a minute to recover, before John slowly turned on his side to look at her.

"Are you alright, my love? I'm so sorry for hurting you," he whispered.

"It was worth it, more than worth it, my darling husband," she whispered back, caressing his cheek tenderly.

"Thank you, my dearest Anna. I love you so much, so very much," he told her, as he softly kissed her.

"I'm so glad I'm married to a wonderful man like you John, that my first time should be so…I never knew…never dreamt it would be...like that. But I'm sorry for being so…_loud_," Anna told him bashfully.

John was very pleasantly surprised at how responsive Anna had been to his touch. It seemed he'd managed to unleash a very passionate side to Anna – one that matched his own well hidden, but very passionate nature perfectly.

It looked as if they were going to have a very interesting time together in their marital bed...


	2. Chapter 2

_I own none of the characters of Downton Abbey._

**To Have and to Hold**

**Chapter 2 - The Morning After**

The following morning John woke up, and smiled as he looked down at Anna, still sleeping in his arms. His heart surged with love for her, and he protectively pulled her a little closer to him. He vowed to himself that he would let her recover from the previous nights activities and not make any further demands on her for now, even though her close proximity made him ache with desire for her all over again.

He felt so incredibly privileged that he, of all men, had been the one that Anna had chosen to marry, and had given herself to; he had been the one to take her virginity and introduce her to the pleasures of making love. He alone was allowed to see her beautiful body that was usually hidden below layers of clothes and corsets. As well as being a very passionate man, he knew that he also harboured a rather jealous and possessive nature. The thought of any other man…he had seen others admiring her, for example that Molesley fellow. Nice enough man, he supposed, but the thought of him any where near _his_ Anna…

But then how must Anna feel, knowing that she was not his first lover? Not only that, but she had met Vera, had spoken with her. And John was certain that whatever Vera had told her would not have been pleasant listening, knowing only too well as he did Vera's coarse and vulgar manner. And yet even after listening to all that, Anna still insisted that she loved him and had agreed to be his wife. She was such a wonderful woman, and he still couldn't quite believe that he deserved her, but he did know that he truly loved her, with his whole being. He thought back to his younger days, to when he had first met Vera, and how he had believed himself in love with her – now he knew those feelings had been lust, not love. There was simply no comparison between his feelings for the two women.

Anna now stirred in his arms.

"Good Morning Mrs Bates," he whispered, as he tenderly kissed the top of her head, noticing how good her hair smelt.

"Hmm, good morning to you, Mr. Bates," she replied with a sleepy smile, stretching up to kiss his cheek, and cuddling up closer to him.

"How are you feeling this morning? I hope you aren't too …sore?" he enquired, concerned for her welfare.

"I'm absolutely fine, you really don't need to worry. Oh, isn't this nice, just to wake up naturally rather than be woken up?" she sighed contentedly.

"It most certainly is, so now you must rest yourself and take it easy, to recover from...last night."

They had got married on Friday, and Lord Grantham had granted them three days off from work, so now they didn't have to re-commence their duties again until Monday morning.

"John, I'm not a china doll you know, I'm a lot tougher than I look. And last night was…well so much nicer than I'd expected, after all the stories…" Anna rubbed her cheek against his chest as she told him this. She loved his big, broad and rather hairy chest - she found it to be so...manly. She was glad he'd left his pyjama top off as she'd asked him to last night.

"I can just imagine what horror stories you'd heard, my love. But I promise you that I will never be the kind of husband who demands his 'conjugal rights', and has no concern for his wife's feelings. Anything that happens between us will always be with you as a willing partner. It should be an act of love between a husband and wife, that's what I believe. And it will get better, I promise – last night was rather …quick, but in time, with practice, things will improve."

"Oh John, I'm so lucky to have married a man like you. I always knew you were the best of men, truly I did, and so you are. And as for…making love, well I just wanted to say that I'm really glad that you were experienced so that you knew…what to do…to make it so… pleasurable, and I'm really looking forward to 'practising' with you some more," she told him, investigating his intriguing hairiness by running her fingers through his chest hair.

"Yes, well, there's no need to rush things, we've got plenty of time Anna," John told her as he pulled her hands away from his chest. God, she really wasn't making it easy for him to keep to his vow to not touch her this morning, to allow her to recover from his actions last night.

"And I just wanted to say… about me being experienced…you know, being married before. What I felt for Vera was nothing like how I feel for you Anna. I was a foolish young man, overtaken by lust, not love…"

"Hush now. That's all in the past; no point in raking over old coals is there? Let's just be thankful that we're happy together, here and now. Especially with the announcement of war. And you know, I'm actually _glad_ that you were injured before, because now it means they can't send you off to war this time."

Anna was worried sick about her brothers, because she knew they would either volunteer or be called up shortly. She had taken John home to introduce him to her family, so that he could officially ask her father for her hand in marriage. They had initially been surprised by her choice of an older man with an infirmity, but her father was a very wise man of few words who trusted his instincts. He took to John, with his quiet ways, and pointed out to his wife that in these uncertain times, at least their daughter would have a husband around who could provide for her, and look after her. His position with Lord Grantham was secure, and the cottage they had been given was more than most couples could ever hope for. Anna's mother took a little longer to get used to John, but was eventually accepting him, growing to like him more as time went on.

"John, will you show me...you know...your leg? I've never really known what happened, exactly what is wrong with it," she quietly asked, determined to know everything about her man. Just like John, she didn't believe in keeping secrets between them.

After just a moments hesitation, he sat on the edge of the bed, and rolled up his pyjama leg. He had a long jagged scar that went from above his knee, down to just above his ankle. Anna gently ran her fingers along the scar, noticing that his leg wasn't quite as straight as it should be.

"What happened?"

"One of our young soldiers was trapped, he'd been injured and was unable to move. Poor lad was shouting and screaming, he was terrified that we would retreat and leave him behind. So I crawled out to get him, to pull him back behind our lines. And we had just about made it, when…" John stopped as the terrible memories came flooding back. He tried not to think about the Boer war these days, to shut it out of his mind, so that his terrible nightmares would not recur. But he respected Anna's need to understand what had caused the injury that had changed his life forever.

"Go on," Anna whispered, sitting on edge of the bed in her nightgown, resting her hand on his knee.

"A shell exploded within a few feet of us. Blew the other chap to pieces in my arms, he actually shielded me from the worst of it. Except my leg, which was badly damaged by shrapnel. The doctors thought they would have to amputate it at one time, but they managed to save it. Although there were times when the pain in it was so bad that I almost wished they had taken it off."

Anna put her arms around John and cradled his head against her breast, kissing him tenderly as he closed his eyes to try to block out the memories.

"Oh John, why do we have to have stupid wars?"

They stayed like that for a few minutes, before John pulled away from her, took a deep breath and wiped his eyes.

"Sorry about that. Look, you get back into bed, and I'll go and make a breakfast tray for you," John told her.

"You don't need to…"

"No arguing. Do as you're told!" he insisted with a cheeky smile as he made his way downstairs.

Anna watched him leave. There were so many layers to John, many of which he kept well hidden from everyone – maybe in time, she would be able to unravel a few of them – it had been an important one that she had got through just now, of that she was certain.


	3. Chapter 3

_I own none of the characters of Downton Abbey._

**To Have and to Hold**

**Chapter 3 - Reflections**

Anna lay back in bed as John went downstairs to make her breakfast. As she stretched out like a lazy cat, she smiled happily to herself, thinking about her first night as John's wife. Now she felt rather silly for being so nervous, she should have known that she could trust John to be gentle and considerate with her – a perfect gentleman. He'd been so tender, so caring…and yet so masterful, persuading her to let him touch her so intimately. She blushed now at the memory of how she'd reacted and become so disinhibited; she'd simply had no idea that such sensations were possible – but then how could she, she was really just a simple country girl at heart. She was the daughter of one of Lord Grantham's tenant farmers. One of six children, she'd left school at fourteen to start in service at Downton Abbey, her father having obtained her a position there. She'd worked hard and done well to reach her position as Head Housemaid, but realistically, she knew little about life outside the protective confines of Downton Abbey and the Crawley family.

John, on the other hand, was a man of the world. As well as having been married before, he'd travelled to different countries such as India and South Africa, as part of his career as a soldier; he'd lived through terrible wartime experiences; he'd even experienced life in prison. He was a very clever, well read man; he was an avid reader, making full use of Lord Grantham's library, as the servants were allowed to do if they wished. Every night he had sat quietly reading his book while they all sat around chatting and joking in the kitchen, and he'd always take his book upstairs to bed with him, possibly to read further. So she was a little worried that he might find her a bit simple and boring, but she was determined to try her best to keep up with the latest news and events, to try to be an interesting companion to him.

He was very protective towards her, maybe even a bit over protective at times, treating her as some sort of a delicate little flower. Clearly he was much bigger and stronger than she was, but she was much tougher than she looked, as she'd tried to tell him when he'd felt bad about hurting her last night when he'd taken her virginity. Yes, it had hurt for a few seconds, but that pain had been swept away in an instant by all the other amazing sensations she'd experienced; he had the ability, it seemed, to awaken a whole new side to her that she hadn't even known existed.

She knew that it meant a great deal to him that he'd been the first man to claim her - she suspected that John was a rather possessive and somewhat jealous man; she'd seen the way he looked at Mr. Molesley when she'd been laughing with him, sharing a private joke together about Mrs Bird and Mrs Patmore and how they were going to get along sharing the kitchen. John, as usual, said nothing, but she'd seen his cheek muscle twitching as he'd watched them from across the room. She knew by now, after studying him for two years, that when he was struggling to contain his feelings, his cheek muscle twitched in that manner. He'd asked her afterwards, in a seemingly casual manner,

"What were you and Mr. Molesley so engrossed about? You two looked as thick as thieves."

"Oh, just taking bets as to how long it would be before the two cooks came to blows, that's all. Poor Mr. Molesley, he's used to a much quieter life at Crawley House, so I feel quite sorry for him really; he's a nice man isn't he?" Anna had told him while still chuckling to herself about the overheard battle of words between the two women.

John had said no more, but it was obvious to her now that he really had not liked her being so friendly with Mr. Molesley. Silly man, he had nothing to worry about, surely he knew by now that she had eyes only for him, and that it had been that way ever since he'd first walked into the kitchen at Downton.

As she heard John clattering about downstairs, she looked round their bedroom. It was clean and fresh, as it had recently been whitewashed, and it was just big enough to contain their double bed, a cheval mirror, a wardrobe and a bedside table each. The furniture had been supplied by Mr. Matthew Crawley. He'd been so good to them, giving them the first completed cottage so that they could get married without delay; insisting on giving them furniture that he assured them was not required at Crawley House and was just in the way. Her mother had made some simple curtains for them to hang at the big airy bedroom window, which looked out over the grounds of Downton.

Anna had tried to get John to give an opinion about the fabric for the curtains, but he'd just laughed and told her,

"You choose whatever you like, my love; that's women's work, I'll be happy with whatever you choose," smiling at her as if he was indulging a child. He'd have happily had old rags up at the window, so long as it meant that he could live there with Anna.

She loved their cottage. Just a few minutes walk from the big house, it was the first in a row of terraced cottages, and as far as she was concerned, it was just perfect, if a little bare and sparse at the moment. It was basically a 'two up,two down' type of cottage - upstairs, it had two bedrooms, the second one remaining empty as yet. Downstairs, the front door (which probably no one would use, they would simply come round the side to the back door in the kitchen) opened into the parlour, which had a couple of easy chairs in it and not much else yet. It had a door through to the kitchen which was quite large, and had a range and an old oak table and four chairs, again supplied by Matthew Crawley. The table was well used, but had a nice homely, comfortable feel about it, so she was very happy with it. The kitchen opened onto a good sized garden out the back, and her father was already suggesting what vegetables they could grow there. There was also, of course, their own outside lav.

Her family had managed to supply most of the basic things they needed, and in time they would be able to acquire a few more bits and pieces to make it a bit more homely. But for now, she was very happy indeed. The bed had proved to be very comfortable, strange as it had felt to share it with John. Now her thoughts turned again to what they had got up to in it the previous night…and she found that the more she thought about her experiences, about the way that John had touched her, and how good it had felt to be so intimate with him, the more she found herself getting very hot and aroused…

In a little while, John returned carrying the breakfast tray very carefully – he had thoughtfully put a vase of flowers on it for her, just as he had before, when she'd been ill in bed. He saw that Anna was tucked up back in bed, and seemed to have dozed off again, so he went round to her side to put the tray down on the bedside table by her. He leant over to gently kiss her, but as he did so, he was caught by surprise as Anna reached up and pulled him down to her. As the covers slipped back, he saw that she was no longer wearing her nightgown. He was totally entranced by her exposed body, and instantly recalled how Anna had the softest, silkiest porcelain skin he had ever touched and that her perfect, soft pert breasts that were now on full display felt like heaven to touch and to caress and to kiss…

"Oh John, what took you so long, I missed you" she whispered as she raked her fingers through the hair on the back of his head and kissed his lips. He tried to pull back, but she wouldn't let him, she tightened her grip on his neck to keep him there, as she kissed him again.

"Anna, I really can't expect you to…not so soon…" John tried to protest, although his body was belying his protests by instantly responding to her.

Anna ignored him and carried on kissing him, and then gently took his hand and placed it on her breast, causing him to moan because of how wonderful she felt. He found he couldn't help but close his eyes and respond for a moment before trying to resist her again.

"Anna, I told you, _no_…"

"But I want you John, what about _my_ needs, my 'conjugal rights', hmm?" Anna whispered huskily. She felt bold enough to pull his pyjama bottoms undone, to tentatively touch his arousal with her finger tips, and then to stroke her fingers around his silky hardness.

John groaned and quivered at her touch – it was no good, he was now powerless to resist her. So he finally gave up the struggle and got into bed with her. She was making her wishes crystal clear, there was no doubt that she really wanted him to make love to her again, so who was he to argue?

"That's more like it John. I want you to do everything to me _exactly_ as you did last night," she whispered as he lay next to her. She continued to stroke him, thrilled to discover the power she could exert over him with just a light touch of her fingers - this was a very exciting discovery for her.

"Exactly the same? There are lots... of other things... I could suggest… other variations and possibilities to try, if you wished…" John told her breathlessly, intensely aroused by her touch.

"No. I want it to be exactly the same this time. Next time, maybe…" she replied with a cheeky smile on her face, still teasing him with her fingers, and noticing how his breaths were now coming in short gasps.

"Oh, so... there's going to be... a 'next time' is there then?" He was struggling to remain coherent while she continued her attentions - good grief, she was a natural, she seemed to know exactly how to get to him...

"There'd better be, Mr. Bates. A chance for you to show _all _of your considerable skills to me." Still she continued to tease him.

"Well...that's going to take... a very long time... if you want me to ...demonstrate _all_ of my skills." He really couldn't take any more of her touch, and yet it felt so wonderful..

"Actions speak louder than words, that's what my mother always taught me, John Bates," she replied, and with that John finally took back control, pushing her onto her back as he started to kiss her magnificent breasts, while using _his_ fingers to great effect…

xXx

Anna had been so much more relaxed this time, so she'd found their love making to be even more pleasurable, causing her to call out his name even more loudly than before. She was therefore rather glad that their neighbours in the cottage next door hadn't moved in, as the refurbishments to that one were not quite complete yet. She would somehow have to learn to calm down and be more controlled in the future, she told herself, or she would never be able to look her neighbours in the eye.

"So what did you mean, what other things, what other variations and possibilities could you suggest?" Anna asked curiously, as they lay contentedly afterwards, John with his big arms wrapped around his wife, who felt so small and delicate to him.

She'd been a rather saucy minx in the way she'd touched him - but he'd loved it, and was delighted at her taking such an initiative - that was his Anna, not afraid to try new things. Even so, he wished he hadn't said anything about 'other things' - not yet anyway.

"Well, you see, it all depend on...what you believe."

John didn't know how to phrase things without shocking his new, inexperienced young wife. So far she had been very receptive, but the last thing he wanted to do was ruin things with her just as they were beginning. He'd spoken out of turn earlier; it was far too early in their marriage to have brought such matters up. With Anna's hand where it had been, he'd been totally distracted, and he hadn't been thinking straight. But of course, Anna's curiosity had been piqued, and as usual, she wanted answers, she wasn't going to be easily fobbed off.

"What? What do you mean?" Anna persisted.

"Some people, mostly those in the church, believe that the only correct and proper way for a man to have marital relations with his wife is for him to be on top, and his wife underneath. The 'missionary position', so called because the Christian missionaries taught the tribes in far off places such as Africa, that this was what God had decreed to be the only right and proper way to have intercourse, any other position was deemed 'sinful," John started to explain rather reluctantly, but wanting to answer her as honestly as he could.

"Yes, I see, and that's the way we've just had...'marital relations', isn't it? So what are you getting at, John?" Anna asked, intrigued. She knew John had read a lot of books, and was a man of the world, so she accepted that he had a much wider knowledge of these things than her.

"Well, other people, other cultures don't accept that view. Of course there is nothing wrong at all with the missionary position, but there are actually many different ways, different positions that are possible for making love. In fact, there are many ancient books studying the art of making love."

John was thinking in particular of the 'Kama Sutra', which he had found a fascinating read some years ago, when he'd sought out a copy for Lord Grantham's private collection while they had been out in India. His Lordship had quite an extensive collection of erotic books and art that Bates had assisted him to collect over the years, discretely going to various dealers and shops on His Lordship's behalf. Naturally, John had read all the books and perused the art before handing them over. They were now kept under lock and key in his Lordship's 'private collection'. Lord Grantham knew that he could always count on Bates' complete discretion in these matters, and it was understood between the two men that it was not to be discussed in front of anyone else. John was confident that His Lordship still had a healthy marital relationship with Lady Cora, judging by the interest he still showed in his collection, and the fact that although the bed in his dressing room was always kept made up, it was never actually slept in.

"Oh, I see," Anna was digesting this information as she tried to imagine what he actually meant. "And what do you think John, what views do you hold on the subject?"

John thought very carefully for a moment before answering her question. He certainly didn't want her to think he was some kind of a savage heathen.

"I cannot believe that once man and wife have been joined together in the sight of God, that He would then consider them wicked for enjoying marital relations in whatever way they saw fit, as long as they both agreed. I believe that what goes on between a man and his wife behind closed doors, in the privacy of their bedroom, is just between them and is nobody else's business. I hope you don't consider that to be blasphemous, but I truly believe that some of the religious zealots out there are misguided in their beliefs and have taken it upon themselves to interpret God's views to suit their own purposes. Just look at all the stupid wars that have been fought in the name of religion, and yet the Bible teaches us to 'love one another as thyself', and one of the Ten Commandments is 'Thou shalt not murder'. So forgive me if I do not truly trust the motives of some of these religious people."

John couldn't help it; his bitterness at the folly of war had re-surfaced. But he realised that he had rather lectured Anna, and he really didn't want to go into any more details about his foolish comments, so now he tried to lighten the atmosphere and change the subject.

"Anyway, enough of all that. We really must get up, we can't stay in bed all day, however much we might like to. And your breakfast has got cold now, so I suggest we get dressed and go and have breakfast together downstairs, hmm?"

With that, John got out of bed and started to get dressed, watched by Anna, whose head was now spinning with unanswered questions. But she knew that she would get nothing more from her husband on the subject for now, he'd made it clear he considered the matter closed. But she fully intended to find out more at some point in the near future, on that she was determined.


	4. Chapter 4

_I own none of the characters of Downton Abbey._

**To Have and to Hold**

**Chapter 4**

Without a doubt, life had certainly changed very much for Anna and John over the last few short hours. And yet to Anna, her previous existence as Miss Anna Smith already seemed a life time away. Now she felt like a proper woman because she'd experienced things that only a married woman could, so now she was part of that exclusive club that knew the realities of a man's 'needs', things that could only be hinted at before. But what had really surprised her was the discovery of her own 'needs' – no one had so much as hinted at that before. No, the general consensus had been that a wife should 'lie back and think of England' while her husband satisfied his carnal needs with his wife's unresponsive body. Maybe if your husband was ignorant and knew no better, that was indeed how it was. Anna smiled to herself as she thought how lucky she was to have a lover like her husband. Of course she was very curious to find out just what he'd meant earlier about 'different ways and different positions'. All in good time, she supposed, there was so much for them to learn in their new married life together.

Now as they sat having their first breakfast together in the kitchen of their little cottage, Anna reflected,

"This time yesterday…"

"This time yesterday, I hadn't yet married the love of my life," John told her, holding her hand across the table, as he smiled happily at her…

**xXx**

It had started in much the same way as any other day for Bates. He attended to Lord Grantham to help him dress, just as usual. However, the conversation between the two men differed somewhat from the normal exchanges between them, which recently had invariably concerned the latest news about the declaration of war.

"So Bates, last few hours as a single man eh? Still time to change your mind, if you felt so inclined," Robert joked, as Bates helped him on with his jacket.

The wedding was at two o'clock that afternoon, and Bates was working until midday, before getting ready and then making his way over to the village church.

"I don't think it's _me _you need to worry about changing their mind, My Lord," Bates replied, with a wry smile.

He still found it almost impossible to believe that Anna had agreed to marry him. Maybe she would come to her senses; maybe all the snide comments from certain members of staff would finally get to her. These, and other unpleasant thoughts, had been running through his head in the early hours of the morning when he'd been unable to sleep. In the cold light of day though, he'd told himself not to be so ridiculous; Anna wasn't like that, and she had shown no signs at all of any lingering doubts. If fact she'd seemed really excited and happy when they'd said good bye the previous evening when she'd left to stay at her parents' home - everyone knew that it was bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the ceremony on the day of the actual wedding.

"Oh come now, I was only teasing; I'm sure no one is going to change their minds, and that you'll do very well together. Nice girl, Anna, you're a very lucky man, Bates," Robert reassured his valet.

"Yes, I'm extremely fortunate, of that I am only too aware My Lord. And I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank Your Grace for the extreme kindness and generosity that you have extended to us, both in letting us continue in our positions, and in granting us one of the Estate cottages. We consider ourselves to be most fortunate."

"Yes well, enough said, old chap. And anyway, the cottage was all Cousin Matthew's doing; I've been letting him run that side of things."

"And I also wanted to reassure you that you will notice no difference whatsoever in the completion of our duties, no one will ever be aware that we are a married couple while we are at work. You will never have reason to regret your decision, My Lord."

He and Anna had agreed that they would not risk giving anyone the chance to make trouble for them by reporting any kind of unsuitable behaviour – displays of affection would have to wait until they were behind the closed doors of their own little cottage.

"Quite so Bates, quite so. Well I wish you both all the best, hope all goes well with the wedding, certainly a lovely day for it, looks like the sun is going to shine on you," Robert pointed out, as the sun was pouring through his window on this September morning.

**xXx**

Bates managed to ignore the latest round of pointed comments in the servants' hall. O'Brien was still muttering about how she'd '_never seen the like, servants marrying and being allowed to stay in service, whatever next? _ However, since she knew that Lady Cora had given her blessing to the marriage, she couldn't risk stirring things up too much, especially as she still felt so guilty about the recent miscarriage that Her Ladyship had suffered.

Now that Thomas had handed in his notice, he really wasn't bothered any more about events at Downton, but he still couldn't resist making a jibe at Bates, out of earshot of the others,

"You're nothing better than a dirty old man are you? Sweet, innocent young girl like Anna, bet you can't wait to get your grubby paws on her can you? She's only marrying you cos she thinks she's been left on the shelf, and with all the young men going off to war for cannon fodder, guess she thinks she'll make do with an old cripple like you. She must be desperate, that's all I can say."

Even though Bates knew that Thomas was only trying to goad him to make trouble, it still took all his self control not to respond by smashing his nasty smarmy face into a pulp, as he could so easily have done. If Thomas had even an inkling of the fighting skills that Bates had acquired just in order to survive, first during his army career, and then more recently during his spell in prison, he would certainly not have risked provoking the seemingly crippled older man. However, they were not skills that Bates was proud of, nor did he want them to be common knowledge at Downton.

"You can think what you like Thomas, I really don't care. But the sooner you leave, the better it will be for everyone here," Bates growled at him through clenched teeth. Determined not to let that obnoxious trouble maker spoil his day, he managed to walk away to continue with his duties.

A bit later on in the morning, Bates was pulled aside by Mr. Carson.

"I suggest we leave Downton to walk over to the church promptly at one o'clock, Mr. Bates. Wouldn't do to be late, that's the bride's prerogative I believe. And if you require any assistance with your attire, I shall be only too delighted to offer my services."

Mr. Carson had been very honoured and had proudly agreed when Bates had asked him to be his best man, and was taking his responsibilities very seriously, having been given permission to take the time off to attend by His Lordship - luckily it was a very quiet day at Downton with no extra guests to see to. A mutual respect had grown between Mr. Carson and Bates – both had skeletons in the cupboard that had been disclosed, and both respected how the other had handled the situation.

Mr. Carson was now entrusted with looking after the wedding ring. A trip into Ripon with Anna on their afternoon off – it had been agreed that they could have the same half day off a fortnight from now on - had allowed Bates to buy a simple gold wedding ring for Anna. It had cost him the best part of a month's salary, but he wanted her to have the best that he could afford. Luckily he had hardly spent any of his wages over the past two years, so he had some savings to draw on. The only thing that he had wasted money on was the stupid 'limp corrector', which was now resting at the bottom of the lake. At least it had taught him a lesson - as Mrs Hughes had so wisely pointed out,

"We all carry scars Mr. Bates, inside or out, you're no different to the rest of us, remember that."

**xXx**

Waiting for Anna in the front pew of St Giles Church, the same church where he had proposed, he felt the calm atmosphere of the church start to work its magic on him again, as he started to relax a little. Of course this time the church was filled with people, not empty as it had been when he'd proposed to Anna. He leant on his cane as he stood to look round while he waited, having been at the church very early indeed, thanks to Mr. Carson. A lot of the time he didn't use his cane these days, but he didn't want to take the risk of stumbling today of all days – even if the person who had knocked it out from under him previously was _not_ attending their wedding.

Sitting behind him was his mother, who had caught the train up from London, determined not to miss this auspicious occasion, very happy indeed that her son was marrying a decent girl this time. She firmly believed in trusting her gut instinct, and she had liked Anna straight away when she'd called round to see her that time in London. Mrs Bates was staying the night at The Dog and Duck pub in the village, John having booked her a room.

Anna's family filled most of the other side of the church – her sister Ruby was one of her bridesmaids, along with Gwen, but her other sister, Rose was heavily pregnant and so was sitting with her husband Stan and their mother. Her three brothers Alf, Harry and George were also there, with their wives and children, as well as some other cousins and family members. It was a large family.

John was surprised to see Lady Sybil in the congregation, sitting with young Tom Branson. Ah yes, of course, any excuse for them to be together, now _there_ was trouble brewing, the young man was clearly besotted with Lady Sybil, it was plain for all to see. Lady Sybil always had to be the rebel. The rest of her family would not consider attending a servants wedding, but Lady Sybil didn't see why she shouldn't go as she considered Anna and Gwen to be her friends, much to Lady Edith's disapproval. She would never even consider befriending her maid in such a way, it simply wasn't the done thing. She'd given Anna what she considered an appropriate gift of a set of linen napkins, so that was all that was required as far as she was concerned.

Also in the church was Matthew Crawley, with his mother Isobel. Both had been so kind in helping set up their cottage. Matthew had proved himself to be a decent man, who would make a very good job of things when he eventually inherited the estate. If only Lady Mary had had the courage to accept him when he'd proposed instead of dithering…

Bates' attention was then caught by Daisy, as she gave him an excited little wave from one of the pews to the back of the church, where she was sitting next to William. They'd both been allowed to come to the wedding, much to the disgust of O'Brien and Thomas, but as it had all been agreed at the highest level, there was little they could do about it except grumble between themselves. William was a good lad, always willing to lend a hand, and Bates was more upset than he cared to admit at the thought of William going off to war, having become quite protective towards him when he'd seen Thomas bullying him, something that Bates couldn't abide. At least Daisy seemed to have come to her senses about Thomas anyhow, realising that good looks aren't everything. Of course, naïve young girl that she was, she had no idea of the true nature of Thomas' 'inclinations', but Bates had quickly worked that one out. He'd even joked with Lord Grantham about the fact that Thomas had cheered up when he'd seen the handsome young man Kemal Pamuk that he was to act as valet for.

And then Bates heard the music as the organist started to play, heralding the arrival of his bride. He turned to look, and was mesmerised. For him, no one else existed at that moment as he saw Anna enter the church, and start to walk slowly up the aisle towards him on her fathers' arm.

Anna looked radiantly happy as she now smiled up at him.

**xXx**

Anna took a deep breath as she walked into the church on her proud father's arm ahead of her two bridesmaids, carrying a beautiful bouquet of flowers provided by Mr. Brocket, the Estate Head Gardener. She looked ahead of her, straight up the aisle, not looking at any of the guests; all she focused on was John, as he turned to look at her when the organ music started.

His face lit up as he saw her, and she smiled up at him as she took her place beside him in front of the altar.

And so the Wedding service began.

'_Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this Congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy Matrimony…'_

Bates let the sound of the vicar's voice wash over him for a moment as he glanced sideways at Anna. He knew that Lady Mary and Lady Sybil had taken it upon themselves to provide her wedding outfit, and they had certainly done her proud, she looked so beautiful in her cream silk dress, with a short cream lace veil over her face. She was also proudly wearing the little pearl necklace that his mother had given her. It had belonged to her mother and she was passing it on as the 'something old' part of the tradition 'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue'.

'…_is not by any to be enterprized, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men's carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have no understanding; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God; duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained…_

Anna stole a sideways look at John, wearing his best suit, with a new tie and shirt given to him by Lord Grantham. He looked very smart and proud, standing tall and upright, such a big strong man, despite carrying his walking stick.

'…_t__herefore if any man can shew any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.__._

Thankfully the response to this was a hushed silence, broken only by a few coughs and shuffling of feet, so the vicar continued.

'_John Betram Bates, __wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together in the holy bonds of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her so long as ye both shall live?__'_

"I will," Bates responded in a loud and clear voice.

'_Anna Elizabeth Smith, wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together in the holy bonds of matrimony? Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him so long as ye both shall live?_'

"I will," Anna answered in a quieter, but still clear voice.

'_Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?'_

"I do," replied Anna's father. The vicar took Anna's right hand from her father, and put it into John's right hand, as they repeated their vows.

'I, John Bertram Bates take thee, Anna Elizabeth Smith to my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.'

'I, Anna Elizabeth Smith, take thee, John Bertram Bates, to my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.'

Now it came to the giving of the ring, so Mr Carson produced the wedding ring that he had been keeping very securely in his waistcoat pocket and placed it on the bible that the vicar was holding out, which he then passed to John.

'With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.' John repeated the words.

'_The wedding ring is the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace, signifying to all, the uniting of this man and this woman in holy matrimony'_

The vicar joined their right hands together as he said,

'_Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder. Forasmuch as John and Anna have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have given and pledged their troth either to other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving of a ring, and by joining of hands; I pronounce that they be man and wife together, In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.'_

_'__You may now kiss the bride,' _the vicar instructed John, with a little smile of encouragement.

John carefully lifted Anna's veil back, gently kissed her on the lips, and then tenderly wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face.

"Hey, what's all this? You're not meant to be crying," he whispered to her, his voice shaking with emotion too as he struggled not to cry himself.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I'm so happy!" she whispered back.

Had John looked round at the congregation, he would have seen that there was hardly a dry eye in the building, both his and Anna's mother had their hankies out and were quite overcome with emotion. Even Mr Carson was blowing his nose loudly and clearing his throat.

Hymns were sung, prayers were said, and then the register was signed.

Finally they were free to walk back down the aisle as husband and wife. John proudly took Anna's arm through his, keeping his cane in his other hand.

As they posed in the arched church doorway for a picture to be taken, a peal of church bells started ringing in the background.

It was the happiest moment of both their lives. Now all they had to do was get through the reception that had been organised for them, despite their protests that they wanted to keep everything very simple and quiet.

**xXx**

At the village hall afterwards, there was a simple reception and Wedding buffet that Lady Grantham had insisted be provided for them. Mrs Patmore and Mrs Hughes had organised it and it was ready and waiting for everyone after the service. Daisy and William both went and helped, Daisy with the food preparations and William with the serving.

Both Anna's father and Bates felt much happier once they'd got their speeches out of the way, gladly thanking everyone concerned and raising their glasses in several toasts, before Anna and John cut the wedding cake. It had been hastily prepared by Mrs Bird, decorated cakes being her speciality and with Mrs Patmore being kept busy dealing with the rest of the catering arrangements. It had been barely a month since John had proposed, they had got married as soon as they could after the church Banns had been read for the required three consecutive weeks.

Bates watched a lot of the guests getting merry after imbibing a few drinks, in particular Anna's three brothers seemed to be putting away a fair few pints of beer. Even though they kept offering him drinks, Bates didn't touch a drop, it had been water in the glass that he had raised for the toasts. He hadn't had an alcoholic drink since the day he'd left prison, when he'd pledged to continue the rest of his life as a teetotaller. He certainly wasn't about to break that pledge now, on this the most important day of his life. However he couldn't help noticing that Mr. Carson had had a few pints to drink, and had become considerably more relaxed than normal, much to everyone's amusement.

"Do you think he might be persuaded to treat us all to a performance from his 'Cheerful Charlies' days? Now that really would be something!" John whispered to Anna, and they giggled together at the memory of the shocking discovery they'd made about Mr. Carson.

Later on, as a band played music, and having circulated round and talked to as many people as they could, John pulled Anna to one side and urgently whispered in her ear.

"Do you think we can sneak away sometime soon now, we could just let everybody carry on and enjoy themselves without us, couldn't we?" He didn't drink, couldn't dance, and all he really wanted was to finally be alone with Anna.

"We could try!" Anna whispered back.

But Branson was under strict instructions that he was to transport the couple back to their cottage, so when he saw them trying to sneak off, he shouted over,

"Hey not so fast, your transport awaits!"

Of course then everyone followed as they made their way out, to a car decorated with ribbons and trailing horse shoes for good luck.

Once they'd been dropped off at Jardine Cottage and had gone inside, with John managing to carry Anna over the threshold despite his bad leg because she was so small and light, that was when it really sunk in that they were now man and wife. Alone together. Ready to take the next step, to consummate their marriage. And that had been when Anna's nerves had really started to kick in. There was to be no going back. She had promised to obey her husband – whatever he asked of her.

**xXx**

Now, as they cleared away their breakfast things, they smiled happily at each other. Anna knew that she wouldn't ever need to be nervous of John in that way again, even if things were a little strange and awkward at the moment, while they got used to being together, living together, sleeping together.

Then there was a knock on their kitchen door – it was Anna's mother, visiting under the pretext of bringing them some milk and eggs. Anna had taken her looks from her mother, she was a petite fair haired woman who looked just like an older version of her daughter. In actual fact they had more food than they knew what to do with, Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore had loaded up the car with plenty of left over food for them to bring back from the wedding reception.

It soon became clear to John that actually it was 'women's talk' that Anna's mother had come for. No doubt she wanted to check that her daughter had survived his attentions last night, so he decided to leave them to it and wandered out into their garden to look over it.

It was a good sized garden, not very wide but stretching back quite a long way. Just as he was wondering how he was going to manage to dig it over in order to plant some vegetables, he heard a voice calling from the garden next door.

"Hello there, Mr. Bates isn't it? You just got married to Anna the housemaid didn't you?" It was Freddie Biggs, he was the first under gardener from the estate.

"Hello there. Yes, I'm John Bates, that's right."

"Well I'm going to be your new neighbour, soon as this cottage is finished, me and my wife Alice will be moving in. I've just came to check over the garden, see what I've got to work with. 'Fraid you'll have to speak up, I'm a bit deaf since the Boer war, a shell blast damaged me hearing. Luckily it don't matter too much out in the gardens, flowers don't chatter much anyhows, and it don't bother Alice, she's hard of hearing too, but she was born that way," he explained.

"Ah right, shell blast damaged my leg in the Boer war too," Bates replied loudly, tapping his bad leg with his cane. Actually his leg was playing up today, probably due to all his marital 'activities'…

"So how are you going to manage with digging this lot then? It's good soil, seems a shame not to make the most of it and grow some vegetables," Freddie asked sympathetically.

"I'm not too sure, I was just thinking about that myself actually," John confessed.

"Well, I could help out if you like, I'm good in the garden even if I say so myself. Not much good for anything else, mind."

"Oh I couldn't expect you to do that…"

"Look, you any good at writing? Keeping records that sort of thing?" Freddie enquired hopefully.

"Well I have a reasonable hand, I can write and I can tot up figures…"

"Ah now you see, that's my worst nightmare. And I have to keep records of what we've planted, where we planted it, how many we planted, how they're doing, all that kind of thing. Maybe if you could help me out with that, in return I could dig your garden and keep it going like?"

"Well that sounds like a fair exchange, I'd be more than happy to help you out. Thank you."

With that, John looked up to see Anna's mother now leaving, so he raised his hand to wave her off, made his excuses to Freddie and then walked back up to the cottage.

"Alright? Was your mother reassured that you managed to survive the night with your big brute of a husband?" he asked as he put his arm around Anna's waist and kissed her cheek.

"You silly chump, of course she doesn't think you're a brute!" Anna slapped his arm playfully. But it was true, her mother had wanted to check that she was alright, and Anna had been able to happily reassure her that all was well, and that she was fine.

"Hmm, well I did wonder if she'd heard reports of her daughter shouting out last night…and then again this morning," John whispered in her ear cheekily, with a big silly grin on his face.

"John! Stop it, I'm already embarrassed enough..." Anna replied, blushing furiously.

"Well, I've just met our new neighbour, and it turns out that both he and his wife are rather deaf. So you'll be relieved to know that you can be as loud as you like in our bedroom and still spare your blushes," John teased his new wife, with a twinkle in his eye.

Anna shot him a rueful look, knowing only too well John's wicked sense of humour, usually sharing it, but this time being the butt of it.


	5. Chapter 5

_I own none of the characters of Downton Abbey._

**To Have and to Hold**

**Chapter 5**

It turned out that Anna's mother was just the first in a long line of visitors on their first day as husband and wife.

Next, John's mother arrived, having walked up from the pub in the village where she'd stayed the night, wanting to inspect their home before returning to London. Anna showed her mother-in-law around their cottage, and happily chatted with her for a while about their wedding the day before. Then she wandered out into the garden to allow John some time alone to speak with his mother.

"That's a darling little wife you've got yourself there this time," Mrs Bates told her son, in her soft Irish lilt.

"Yes mother, I do know that," John said with a smile, glad that she so obviously approved of his choice of wife this time.

"So you make sure you look after her, treat her well, no losing that Irish temper of yours with her, hmm?" she lectured him.

"Of course not! I'd never dream of it," John answered indignantly.

"And you've sworn off the booze for good? That always did bring out the dark side of your nature."

"I haven't touched a drop in years, nor will I ever again," John assured his mother, trying not to become irritated at her line of questioning, but then he supposed that she knew him better than most, and of course he understood her natural concern, being as he was her only child.

"And I hope you took it easy on her, you know, last night? She's just a wee slip of a girl, and you, well, you're such a big brute of a chap, just like your father was, God rest his soul…" she used the same description of John as he had himself used earlier.

"Mother! There really is nothing for you to worry or concern yourself about at all, so let's just leave it at that shall we?"

"Very well, my boy. Aw, I'm just so happy for you, everything seems to have finally worked out for you, a decent woman, decent job, decent home, even if we do have this terrible war that's beginning. At least they can't call you up, not with your leg being the way it is. So actually, I thank the Good Lord you were injured before, it's turned out to be a blessing in disguise."

"That's just what Anna thinks."

"See? Kindred spirits me and Anna, I just _knew_ she was the right girl for you soon as we met, the way she was so sure of your innocence, bless the sweet girl. And it's obvious to anyone that she loves you just the way you are, gammy leg and all. Anyway, I'd best say my goodbyes to her, I have to be getting back, don't want to miss my train now do I? And you just make sure you come and see me next time you're up in London with His Lordship, and of course if Anna should come up too, I'd love to see her, maybe then I could get the chance to make her a fine dress."

Mrs Bates was a highly skilled seamstress who worked from home, and she'd been disappointed not to have had the chance to help with making Anna's wedding outfit. With a big sigh, she reached up to give her son a peck on his cheek and a big hug, and then having called Anna back in to say goodbye, and giving her a hug and kiss too, Mrs Bates took her leave of the couple.

It was only a few minutes later that the next visitor called round. Matthew Crawley had come to check that everything was alright with the cottage now that they had actually moved in, as he told them that he could get the workmen back if they'd noticed any problems. As this was the first cottage that he'd been involved with restoring, Matthew was taking rather a lot of personal interest and pride in its completion. Having been assured by the couple that everything was indeed fine, he took his leave, not wanting to outstay his welcome.

However, a few minutes later his mother, Isobel Crawley also called in. She had found a rather nice rocking chair they never used at Crawley House and wondered if they might like it, which they gratefully said that they would, so she promised to arrange to get it sent over to their cottage as soon as she could.

Finally, by the afternoon, Anna managed to go upstairs to sort out some of her belongings and hang the rest of her clothes in their wardrobe.

Her wedding dress had been hanging up to air, so now she carefully carried it into their bedroom, where John was also hanging the rest of his clothes up. Neither had very many clothes, so they easily fitted into the one wardrobe.

"You looked very beautiful in your dress, yesterday Anna," John told her softly, as he looked at it.

"Well thank you John. It is a beautiful dress isn't it? I thought I should have something more practical that I could use again afterwards, but Lady Mary and Lady Sybil insisted that I should have a proper wedding dress, and when they found this one that could be altered for me, I couldn't really argue could I?"

Anna laid her dress out on their bed, and lovingly fingered it. It was embossed ivory cream silk. Tightly fitted at the waist, it had pin tuck detailing on the front bodice, with tiny pearl buttons and satin ribbon edging around the V neckline.

Despite O'Brien's declaration that she would never really be considered a friend by the young Ladies that she maided for because she was just a servant, Anna had found that the girls had been so very kind to her – well except Lady Edith, she'd kept her distance as was usual for her. But particularly since she had helped Lady Mary out with her 'Pamuk' problem, a bond of trust had developed between the two girls – but of course Anna knew never to overstep the mark, she was still just a maid, not an equal. But dear sweet Lady Sybil really did seem to regard both her and Gwen as her friends, insisting that she was going to come to the wedding, even if Lady Mary disagreed and felt that would be intruding and might make the rest of the servants feel uncomfortable by their presence. Lady Sybil had been particularly helpful by taking great delight in sorting out bridesmaid's outfits for her sister Ruby and Gwen.

Lady Cora had looked on at all the activities with a kind eye, deciding that there was no harm in letting her girls get caught up in the excitement of a wedding, even if it was one between two servants – it was better than letting them dwell on the war. In the same spirit, she lent Anna a beautiful cream Brussels lace veil as her 'something borrowed' item. And she also arranged for Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore to organise the reception, along similar lines to the Garden Party, just somewhat simpler. Robert had been more than happy for her to do this, he was always pleased when things were running smoothly – a state he feared would not continue for much longer now that war had been declared. No, this wedding was probably the last time that the members of his household would be together for a very long time, so he decreed that they should all make the most of it, he agreed to let as many people attend the wedding as possible, and give them a jolly good send off.

"It is a very fine dress Anna, yes. But then you would have looked beautiful to me even in an old sack cloth," John told her, as he put his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck.

Anna turned round, putting her arms round his neck, as she said,

"Well, you looked very smart too, standing there so tall and handsome, waiting for me at the front of the church. Were you very nervous?"

"I was – until I saw you walking up the aisle to me, and then I knew I was the luckiest man alive."

With this he kissed her gently on her lips, tightening his hold around her waist.

"It was a lovely service wasn't it? And when you put this ring on my finger, and made your vows…well, it made me feel so honoured to be marrying you."

Anna kissed him back gently and then held her left hand out to admire the shiny new ring on her finger that she was still getting used to the feel of.

"I wish I could have bought you a diamond ring…" John started to say, but Anna put her finger over his mouth to quieten him.

"Don't say that. Why would I ever want diamonds, when you've given me this ring with all your love? What could possibly mean more to me than that?"

"Nothing, you're right of course, and you will always have all of my love, you do know that don't you?" John told her emotionally.

Then he started to kiss her again, pulling her close as she responded by running her hands under his jacket and around his waist. Both could feel their passion rising, and Anna started to push his jacket off from his shoulders, as he started to undo the buttons on the front of her dress…

And then there was a loud knock at the back door.

"Ignore it!" whispered John, as he grazed his lips over her neck and undid the last button to allow him access to her breasts.

But there was another urgent knock at the door, so Anna reluctantly pulled away from him.

"I can't! I'll have to go down and see who it is," she told him, quickly fastening her buttons back up as she made her way downstairs.

John groaned as he tried to collect himself into some sort of normality. He'd assumed that having their own cottage would mean that they would finally have some time alone together, but so far today it had been more like Piccadilly Circus. Taking a deep breath, he followed Anna downstairs, to see that their latest visitor was Daisy, laden with a basket of provisions.

"Mrs Hughes sent me over with these, thought you might find them useful, seeing as how you're not eating with us again till you're back at work on Monday. Oh Anna look, you must have done your dress up wrong this morning, your buttons are all wrong," Daisy told her innocently, pointing to the front of her dress.

"Oh right, yes, silly me, fancy not noticing that," Anna replied, hastily sorting her buttons out.

"I'll take that then shall I, Daisy? Tell Mrs Hughes that we very much appreciate her kind thoughtfulness," Bates told Daisy as he took the basket from her, seeming as cool as a cucumber. Looking at him now, Anna thought, no one would believe that just a minute ago he'd been feverishly undoing her dress. Then Anna noticed his jacket collar was hooked up at the back, so she quickly reached up and smoothed it down while Daisy was busily chattering away.

"Oh your wedding was just the most beautiful thing I have ever been to, I cried buckets you know, William had to lend me his hanky as well as me own. You looked just like a proper lady Anna, I swear to God no one could have told the difference. And you Mr. Bates, standing there, waiting for Anna, like a tormented soul who's finally won his fair damsel..."

"Have you been reading one of those 'Penny Dreadfuls' again, Daisy?" Anna interrupted Daisy's melodramatic account of the previous day. She smiled at her indulgently, feeling like a big sister towards her.

"I'm just saying, I think it was all just perfect, we all did, well those of us that came anyhow. Miss O'Brien had a face a mile long this morning, told us all to stop going on about it, how it was only a housemaid and a valet not Lord and Lady Muck what got married, but I think it's just sour grapes cos she missed out on such a wonderful day. Mr Carson wasn't his normal self though, said some thing about having a headache, I expect it was all the organising he did."

"Organising the pints of beer he knocked back more like," Bates muttered in Anna's ear, causing her to stifle a chuckle. It had been funny to see how the more beer Mr. Carson had consumed, the more he'd become how she imagined he'd been in his 'Cheeky Charlie' days, rather than the pompous and dignified figure he normally cut.

"Anyhows, I'd best be getting back or Mrs Patmore will have my guts for garters. See you both back at work on Monday then," Daisy told them cheerfully, as she went on her way.

**xXx**

Anna looked inside the basket that Daisy had brought.

"Ooh look, some beef broth, a pie and some vegetables, oh and a sponge pudding. Come on, I'm starving actually, so lets have some supper now hmm?"

"Yes, I suppose you're right, better satisfy _one _of my appetites for now anyway," he told her with a raised eyebrow and a wink. Knowing now how responsive Anna had been to his advances, he felt relaxed enough to make jokes with her, confident that she would not be offended or upset - they had always shared a similar sense of humour after all.

"Stop it John! Come on, let's get this heated up and eaten while it's fresh. This is so nice of Mrs Hughes, and you know how delicious Mrs Patmore's cooking always is."

"Yes, very true, it is most generous."

Once they resumed their duties at Downton, they would take their meals again in the staff hall. They would be starting very early and finishing late very often, so would not have the time to cook for themselves. It would also save them a lot of money – and Mrs Patmore was a very good, as was Mrs Bird too.

**xXx**

"Do you think it's safe to lock the back door now, we surely can't expect any more visitors tonight, can we?"

"Oh John, don't be so mean, everyone has been so kind to us, we've been very lucky," Anna scolded him.

"Yes, I know, and I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I don't think it's unreasonable for a man to want to be alone with his incredibly beautiful new wife…"

John smiled at Anna and took her hands in his. All day long he'd been getting flashbacks in his mind of how she'd looked last night, naked and writhing as she'd surrendered herself to the pleasure of his touch, her beautiful silky hair spread over the pillow…

"No, I don't suppose it is," Anna blushed as she smiled back at him, suddenly feeling a little shy again. She too had replayed in her mind again the way it had felt when they had become as one for the first time last night, and then how it had felt this morning when she'd touched his very manhood and discovered how he thrilled to her lightest touch.

With no further words, John turned the key in the back door, and then led the way upstairs, closing the bedroom door firmly behind them.

Already Anna could feel tiny darts of pleasure moving through her core as her pulse raced. Glancing down at John, it was very apparent that he was also intensely aroused. And they hadn't even touched yet.

Very gently and slowly, John leant down and brushed her lips with his, eyes closed as he breathed in the very scent of her. His hand reached up to release her hair from its coils, allowing it to cascade down over her shoulders. Slowly he carried on with tiny touches of his lips over her face, down her neck and onto the soft skin that was just showing above the neckline of her dress.

A soft moan escaped from Anna's lips at his touch, she too had closed her eyes, her senses being overwhelmed with pleasure.

Slowly, very slowly, he undid the first button of her dress, to expose a little more of her skin to kiss. Inexorably he moved downwards, undoing each button, kissing more of her skin each time, until finally he could push her dress off over her shoulders as she helped him, stepping out of it as it dropped to the floor. She stood before him in her corset, knickers and stockings, silk ones given to her by Lady Mary as part of her wedding trousseau.

Now he held her away from him so that he could feast his eyes hungrily on her. Her breasts were encased in her corset, but her heavy breathing made them swell and spill over the top as he kissed and nuzzled her, but it wasn't enough, he needed more.

Slowly Anna unhooked the front of her corset for him, and he watched intently as her breasts were freed from their prison, her corset joining her dress on the floor. He greedily caressed her, as she threw her head back and arched her back to encourage him.

"Oh John," she moaned, as he slowly lowered his hands over the curve of her hips, then fondled the delicious curve of her bottom, before slipping his fingers inside her knickers to push them down, all the while kissing her breasts.

As he explored her most intimate recesses, she gasped and her legs buckled under her, so he eased her back onto their bed, where she lay wearing just her silk stockings and garters, one of which was the blue one that she had worn under her wedding dress the day before.

"Leave them on, I like them," he ordered breathlessly, impatiently ripping his shirt off before joining her on the bed. He caressed the soft skin that was exposed at the top of her stockings, then slowly returned to stroke her wet silkiness which proved her desperate need of him.

He kissed her with a fierce longing, his tongue enacting with hers what they were leading to, as Anna's hand reached to undo his belt and trousers.

"John…Oh John, I need you so much," Anna moaned as she struggled to release him. He quickly helped her by removing his trousers and undershorts so that no obstacle remained between them. She took his hardness in her hand, and her touch meant that he had to take her, and he had take her _now_…

"Anna, are you ready for me, I have to, I need to…" John whispered urgently, as he positioned himself.

Suddenly he cried out and clutched his leg. He rolled onto his back, grimacing and sucking his breath in between his teeth.

"John, what is it, whatever is the matter?" Anna cried out.

"It's nothing, really, just give me a minute. I'm so sorry my love, this wretched leg, I'm so sorry…" He rubbed his leg resentfully as he lay on his back and looked up at the ceiling in frustration. Why now? Why did his stupid bloody leg have to create merry hell for him _now_?

"Oh John, are you alright? What can I do to help?" she asked, concerned.

"Nothing, don't worry, it's fine, it's passing, I just can't put any weight on it for now. Don't worry, it's easing, but I'm so sorry, I can't…"

"It doesn't matter," she told him, as she gently tried to massage his damaged leg. But she couldn't help noticing that he was still as hard as ever, and she was still on fire for him because he had done such an excellent job of arousing her.

"Is there are any chance, that is…if you're OK, that maybe…we can still find a way…you know…what you said before…about other positions," she whispered huskily as she kissed his chest, and let her hand gently stroke him.

"Anna no, it wouldn't be fair to expect…you're a good, God fearing, Christian girl…I can't expect you ..." he protested, although her ministrations were driving him crazy with need, and his mind had already pictured _exactly_ what they could do to get round the problem.

"What if I told you that I agree with you, with what you said about a married couple behind closed doors, if they both consent. Our bedroom door is closed. And I do, I do consent, to whatever you could suggest. And I did promise to obey you after all…" She teased him again with her fingers and then leant over to kiss his lips, letting her breasts brush against his chest.

John could take no more, there was no doubt that he wanted her more than ever, so he decided that so long as she was a willing participant…

"Well then maybe the Good Lord will just blame me Anna, you can tell him that you were obeying your husband," he told her breathlessly, with his usual sense of humour. Just the thought of what he had in mind was already driving him mad with anticipation.

"I think perhaps God will understand and give us special dispensation due to the circumstances," Anna told him with a little smile, delighted that he had decided they should continue in another way.

So he hesitated no longer, quickly reaching over to lift her on top of him.

"Put your legs either side, and kneel over me," he instructed her.

Anna instantly understood his intentions, and positioned herself above him.

He somehow managed to resist the urge to just grab her and thrust himself as hard as he could into her, instead gently easing her down onto him, her exquisite tightness serving to remind him of her inexperience, and his need to take it easy with her.

"Oh sweet Anna, sweet, sweet Anna, you feel so fantastic," he groaned, once he was fully inside her. She felt so perfect, so lush.

He looked up at her kneeling on top of him, her eyes closed. She was biting her bottom lip and moaning slightly as she felt him filling her completely. She stretched back to lean on her arms behind her. She looked like a goddess of love to him, as beautiful as any piece of erotic art he'd ever seen.

"Oh John, that feels so good, so very, very good!" she whimpered, as she felt him lift her up and then pull her down to thrust into her again – and again. She bucked her hips to match him, every nerve ending seeming to scream out as he stroked at her most sensitive places.

Anna leant over him to whisper in his ear,

"I love you, John, I love you so much," and then she kissed him, feeling that every part of her was on fire now, every sense was alive because of what he was doing to her.

Anna began to lose herself, as she felt sharp spirals of pleasure building up through her lower body. As he continued ever harder and deeper into her, she found her self grinding against him, working herself up into a frenzy, whimpering and moaning. A delicious tingling suffused her, as the spirals of pleasure climbed ever higher.

John could feel her begin to tighten and clench around him, so he knew that she was on the brink of her climax. He matched her frenzy to reach his peak at the same time. They both shouted out in their fevered state of excitement, until they reached the point of no return. She felt herself exploding with pleasure as her muscles tightened in waves, making her scream at the intensity of the sensation. She bucked hard against John as he reached his climax. He clasped her tight to him, groaning in his ecstasy, the pulsing of his release sending her higher still as she screamed again.

Finally she collapsed against him, spent and sated, feeling euphoric, but puzzled.

"What…why…what happened to me?" Anna didn't understand the extremely intense sensations that she'd just experienced, that had made her act that way, that had made her scream out so loudly. It frightened her to have lost control like that. Surely that wasn't right, wasn't normal? No one had ever told her or warned her that it could happen.

"My darling, you just had an orgasm," John informed her as he held her in his arms,very content but rather drowsy from all his exertions. A warm fuzzy feeling was washing over him, and all he really wanted to do was go to sleep, but he was trying to stay awake long enough to reassure her, realising with some amusement that she was worried and confused because of her ignorance in such matters.

"A what?"

"Orgasm. It means that you reached the highest point, the climax of sexual pleasure, just as a man does when he releases his seed into a woman," he explained.

"Oh. But I didn't think women could...or did that, no one said,"

"It is much harder for a woman to reach that point yes, but of course, with a skilled lover…." he informed her, with a smug smile.

"But it's not normal, it's not ladylike to scream like that, like some sort of a…a…she devil! I don't know what came over me. Perhaps I'm some sort of a wanton harlot!"

John burst out laughing at this.

"Of course you're not! You're very lucky to be so responsive. It felt good didn't it? Many women never experience that pleasure in their whole life."

"Well yes, yes it felt wonderful, I can't deny, but what if someone heard me, I'd die of embarrassment!"

"Good job we're in our own little cottage, away from the big house, with deaf neighbours going to be living next to us then, isn't it?" he teased her.

"It's not funny John, I can't imagine a proper lady acting that way."

"Oh believe me you might be surprised at some of the things I've heard," John told her. "If, for instance, I told you that Lord Grantham is clearly a very accomplished lover from the sounds I've heard coming from Lady Cora in their bedroom, would that make you feel any better?"

"No! Surely not...Lady Cora? But then she is an American, so maybe that explains things a bit in her case."

"Oh Anna, just relax and be happy! And you aren't worried are you, about well... our trying things ... a different way?"

"No, not really and anyway, like I said, I think God would understand because of your injured leg wouldn't he?. How is it now, are you still in a lot of pain?"

"It's fine, don't worry. Thanks to you, I had something to take my mind off it, didn't I?"

John reassured her, but the truth of it was that it was still playing up, and he would be in need of his walking stick tomorrow, of that he was sure. But being a very proud man, he would never admit to Anna how bad it was sometimes, because he wanted to act as normally as he could for her, never wanting his injury to give her cause to regret marrying him. The many jibes of 'cripple' that had been thrown at him over the years had left a different type of scar to the one he carried on his leg.

So when he woke up the following morning to find himself alone in bed, with Anna nowhere to be found, he couldn't help but think the worst.


	6. Chapter 6

_I own none of the characters of Downton Abbey._

**To Have and to Hold**

**Chapter 6 **

John had had a restless night. Apart from the fact that he wasn't used to sharing a bed with Anna yet, the discomfort in his leg had made it hard for him to settle. Eventually he'd drifted off, only to suffer one of his recurring nightmares, as sometimes happened when he'd had a painful session with his leg, as if the pain stirred up his memories. He'd woken in a sweat, sitting bolt upright and disturbing Anna. She'd looked up at him in surprise and sleepily asked,

"Whatever's the matter John?"

He'd reassured her that all was well, and told her to go back to sleep, which thankfully she quickly did. Eventually, in the early hours of the morning, he'd finally drifted off into a deep sleep, only to wake up this Sunday morning to find an empty space next to him in bed.

He looked at the time. It was 7:45 am. Good grief, he couldn't remember the last time that he'd slept in that late, no wonder Anna was already up. The normal routine for servants at Downton was to get up at 6:00 am, and that was when he normally woke - as did Anna.

He quickly got up and dressed before going downstairs to find her. But she was no where to be found. He checked outside, he wandered down the garden – still no Anna.

Where on earth could she be?

He went back into the kitchen and stoked up the range to start a brew of tea – everything was cold, it was clear that whenever Anna had got up, she'd not made any tea or breakfast.

As he sat down with his brew, his old insecurities began to re-surface. What if… what if the reality of being married to a crippled man like him had hit Anna last night, when he hadn't even been able to make love to her in the normal way? Maybe she'd had some foolish romantic notions about him and they'd been shattered now. Maybe he'd shocked her last night, despite her assurances to him and maybe that was why she'd felt so embarrassed about her responses. And then there was his bad dream, his nightmare; he knew in the past that he'd called out terrible things whilst dreaming, perhaps he had last night, and that had been the final straw for her, he'd frightened her and she'd had to leave, perhaps she'd even felt unsafe with him.

The reasonable, calm side of him told him not to be so silly; think of all the effort she'd gone to, to be able to marry him, and now they were so very happy together. And Anna had told him she loved him only last night during their lovemaking - which had been wonderful for both of them, hadn't it? Surely she wouldn't be upset by the feelings they'd experienced together?

But still his doubts festered because he couldn't find any other logical explanation of why Anna seemed to have disappeared.

He finished his tea, and still Anna had not appeared. He didn't really know what to do with himself while he waited hopefully for her return; however as an ex army man he was always extremely tidy and organised, so he carried on methodically clearing up and going through the motions, as he worried about where she could be. Her clothes were still in the wardrobe, meaning she hadn't packed her bags, so that was something anyway. Maybe she'd gone back to her parents, so if she still hadn't re-appeared by lunch time, that's where he would head, to see if she was there, he decided.

Then finally, as he was upstairs making their bed, he thought he could hear voices outside, so he went over to the window and looked out.

There was Anna! He felt his heart leap with relief. She was just walking along the end of the Lane towards their cottage, dressed in her Sunday best outfit. But who was that she was with…it was Molesley, he realised. Walking along with him, talking and laughing with him. Then he headed off in the direction of the big house, as she made her way to their cottage.

He hurried downstairs to meet her as she came in, desperate to find out just what was going on.

Anna breezed into the kitchen, to be met by John. The cheery smile on her face froze as she saw the expression on his face.

"Where on earth have you been?" he asked quietly.

"To church, like I said in my note," she told him, with a puzzled look on her face.

"What note?"

"The one I left on the table, explaining that I was going to the early Communion Service at church instead of the usual later one, so that we would have the rest of the day to ourselves. You were finally sleeping so soundly after your restless night, so I decided not to disturb you."

"I thought we were going to go church together later, so why did you go by yourself at such an early hour? And there was no note when I came down, so I had no idea where you were, going out like that without telling me. I was worried sick, actually. And why were you with Molesley?"

"I thought with your leg causing you so much pain, that the walk to church and back wouldn't be a good idea for you. And as this is our last day off together before returning to our duties, I thought it would nice to have as much of it to ourselves as we could. So that's why I went to the early service while you were still sleeping. And you don't always go to church every week anyway, so I really didn't think it would bother you not to go."

"And why were you with Molesley?"

"I wasn't 'with' him, he just happened to be at church too. He went to the early service because he's going up to the big house to help out today, covering for your absence. After the service, he walked back with me so that I could point out our cottage, because he is arranging to have the rocking chair that Mrs Crawley offered to us yesterday delivered. Alright? Any more questions, or am I allowed to go and take my hat and gloves off now?"

With that, Anna pushed passed John and made her way upstairs.

"Anna, wait …" John called after her. Then, as he glanced down, he saw a piece of paper on the floor behind the door, so he picked it up – and there it was, her note, explaining about her trip to church, just as she had said, and suggesting that he have breakfast ready for them to share on her return. It must have blown off the table as she closed the door when she'd left.

"Oh Lord, will I ever truly learn to control my stupid Irish temper," he muttered, as he looked upwards in despair, realising that he had been very stupid to act the way that he had with her.

**xXx**

John stood in the doorway of their bedroom, now holding her note, and watched Anna, as she hung her coat up and then closed the wardrobe door with a thud.

"Look, I'm sorry, alright? It was just waking up and finding you gone, and not having a clue where you were…I didn't like it."

Anna didn't reply, she just looked in the mirror, tidying her hair.

"I suppose I still can't really believe that a beautiful young woman like you would really want to be with a crippled old man like me. I thought that maybe last night was a rude awakening for you, of how my infirmity will always affect things between us. And that maybe I scared you shouting out when I had my nightmare. I thought maybe you'd gone back to your parents house. And then when I saw you out there laughing with Molesley, it just seemed that maybe you regretted choosing me over Molesley. I know that Molesley admires you…"

"So that gives you the right to accuse me of…well I'm not quite sure just _what_ it is you're accusing me of John, hmm?"

"I know, I need to curb my jealous streak, it's just that in the past whenever things have seemed to be too good to be true, they have been. And being with you is so perfect, that well, I suppose I'm just waiting for the cracks to appear."

"Oh John! What do I have to do to convince you that I truly love you! I meant every word that I said on our wedding day, and nothing is ever going to change how I feel about you. But you have to stop worrying so much. Have I ever done anything to give you any cause to distrust me? Haven't I always been loyal to you, been on your side, and backed you, whatever happened?"

John realised that there were tears glistening in her eyes as she told him this, and he felt terrible for upsetting her, but she still looked so angry at him that he kept his distance.

"Yes, it's true,you've been the loyalist supporter a man could ever wish for. Forgive me. I'm truly sorry for acting like such a prize chump. But it's only because I love you so much, Anna," he pleaded.

As Anna looked him at him closely, she realised that underneath that big, tough, hard exterior there was a vulnerable man, one who'd had been dealt some very hard blows in the course of his life, that had left him hurt and damaged in more ways than his crippled leg. She was put in mind of the time she'd caught sight of him sobbing in despair his room, when he'd thought he was to leave Downton, but how he'd immediately put on a brave front when he'd spoken to her. And her anger began to subside.

"Just go and make the breakfast for us, and I'll think about forgiving you, John Bates. Go on, get!" she told him with just a hint of a smile.

Rather shamefacedly, John went off to do as she told him.

**xXx**

As Anna came down into the kitchen, John was standing preparing breakfast. So she went over to him, as he turned to her.

"Just hold me in your arms. Now." she instructed.

John looked at her in surprise, but gladly complied with her request. She buried her face in his broad chest as his arms went round her in a big bear hug. He felt all his tension and worry disappear as he held her close, as he smelt her wonderful smell, as he felt her warm touch. She was here, with him, _his_ Anna. Why had he been such a fool to let his insecurities get to him in such a way?

"Don't ever doubt again that I truly love you John. I'm not some silly, naïve young girl; I knew what I was taking on when I agreed to marry you. We've known each other for quite some time now and I've seen what you've been through and how brave you are. I love you just how you are, and I wouldn't change anything about you – except to take your pain away if I could. The pain you suffer _here_," she touched his leg, "And the pain you suffer _here_," she told him, as she tenderly put her hand to his head.

"You do Anna, you do take my pain away. You make everything in my world perfect. That's what scares me I suppose, because without you, life simply wouldn't be worth living anymore, I know that now. But I'm sorry, so sorry for upsetting you and for being unreasonable. I promise that I will try harder to curb that side of my nature in future. I know that I was just being foolish. Forgive me?"

"Kiss me John, and I think then I may just be able to forgive you," she told him, lifting her face to him. She closed her eyes as she felt his lips soft on hers, begging her forgiveness in a way that no words could.

She loved the feel of his arms around her, how he made her feel safe and secure and loved. She wanted him to feel that way too, and she vowed that she would do everything in her power to give him the security he craved from her in their marriage.


	7. Chapter 7

_I own none of the characters of Downton Abbey._

**To Have and to Hold**

**Chapter 7 **

It felt rather strange getting ready for work together in their cottage very early on Monday morning. They'd had to get up even earlier than usual to ensure that they were ready and on duty in good time, allowing for the walk up to the big house.

John watched in fascination as Anna got ready. He felt very privileged to have seen beneath the uniform that had always seemed such an impenetrable barrier up until their marriage. He knew that he would have to keep his thoughts very strictly marshalled today, and not let his mind wander to think of her delightful body underneath, the one that he'd helped her to bathe last night in front of the fire…he cleared his throat and tried his best to concentrate on getting himself ready for work instead.

"Do you need a hand to do anything up?" he asked helpfully, realising that Anna spent a large part of her working life helping ladies to dress in their awkward clothes. Of course he knew now that her corset hooked up at the front, having watched her carefully unhook it for him, but he mustn't let his thoughts dwell on that either…

"No, it's fine, only a proper lady's dress has to be hooked up at the back by someone else, servants dresses have to be a lot more practical, that's why they have these buttons at the front you see. Can you imagine if they didn't, we'd all need a maid to get dressed, and considering how many times a day we change into our different uniforms, we'd never get anything done, would we?" Anna explained. She would be keeping her changes of uniform in the old room that she'd shared with Gwen.

"I don't suppose you would, no. I must say I think it's a lot easier for us men," John commented, as he put on his stiff starched collar, then his tie, followed by his waistcoat. He carefully wound up his watch before putting it in his pocket and linking the fob chain to his waistcoat buttonhole. He would ensure that it was keeping good time by checking it against the clock that Mr. Carson used as soon as they got to work. Finally he put on his jacket and his highly polished shoes. He checked that his hair was neatly brushed back, and then he was ready for work.

Anna quickly plaited her hair and coiled it up in a bun with an ease that came from years of practice - John also found this fascinating. It was so erotic and symbolic to him when she released her hair at night, he loved seeing her blonde tresses tumbling down over her shoulders, but that was yet another thing he mustn't let himself think about now…

Finally they were both ready to walk up to the big house. It was still dark, and quite chilly now that it was late September, and Anna put her arm through his so that she could walk close to him.

"So we will act just as we did before, no shows of affection at all, then no one will have any grounds to complain about our behaviour being over familiar," John reminded Anna as they reached the servants hall.

"No, Mr. Bates. Of course not, Mr. Bates," Anna agreed, quickly kissing his cheek before scooting off with a cheeky grin.

**xXx**

"Back just in time for my last few days – how sweet of you, you really needn't have bothered," was Thomas' greeting to Bates as they sat down to breakfast.

"Oh I wouldn't want to miss seeing the back of you, wouldn't miss that for all the tea in China," Bates retorted.

"So had a good time eh? No doubt we'll be hearing the patter of tiny feet in nine months time – that is, if you were 'up' to it," Thomas sneered, not caring if his remarks shocked or caused offence.

"_THOMAS_! While you are still in this household and at this table, you will hold your tongue and behave in a proper and decent manner. There are ladies present, and I will NOT tolerate such inappropriate talk!" Mr. Carson roared at him before Bates could say anything back.

Thomas smirked and looked over at his cohort O'Brien for support, but she just turned away. Odd, he thought, just lately, well since Lady Grantham's miscarriage, any mention of babies or pregnancy seemed to upset her. She must be losing her touch, going soft. Oh well, he'd be on his way in a few days anyway now, so he really couldn't care less about any of them.

Anna had gone bright red, and she stared at the floor, wishing it would open and swallow her up, she was so embarrassed. Gwen rubbed her arm to show her support as she glared over at Thomas. She too would be leaving shortly to take up her post as a secretary, but she would really miss everyone, particularly Anna who was like an older sister to her.

"What did he mean? What's going to happen in nine months time?" Daisy enquired, very confused, and not picking up on the signals from Mrs Hughes, who was glaring at her not to say anything further on the subject.

"Never you mind Daisy, just get on with your chores, I'm sure Mrs Patmore was calling for you just now," Mrs Hughes hastily tried to change the subject.

It was only William's arm gently restraining him that allowed Bates to hold onto his temper and not instantly retaliate by punching Thomas' face into a pulp as he'd wanted to so many times before. He glared at Thomas. He was going to settle things with him once and for all, but not here, not now. No he would pick his moment. No one upset his Anna like that and got away with it.

**xXx**

"Welcome back Bates. Good to see you," Lord Grantham smiled happily at his valet. Actually he'd found that he missed Bates, he enjoyed their 'man to man' chats about various current events and he realised that he rather took for granted Bates' quiet, dependable presence. He could relax with him, knowing that he would never repeat anything he told him, because Bates never indulged in idle gossip. Molesley was a decent enough valet, but he had a habit of fussing over him somewhat which Robert found rather irritating, so he was definitely glad that Bates was back.

"Thank you, My Lord. It's good to be back," Bates replied.

"Hmm. I think you may just be lying to me a little bit Bates, that is if married life is suiting you? I mean, what man wouldn't rather be with his lovely new wife eh? I'm assuming that …_things_… went well?" Robert looked at Bates with raised eyebrows and a knowing look.

"Yes, I think you could say that… _things_ …went very well indeed, and married life is suiting me, thank you, although no doubt it will call for some adjusting for both of us for a while yet." Bates returned Robert's knowing look and raised eyebrows in an unspoken understanding of just what it was they were talking about.

"Quite so, yes. Well, there are lots of changes afoot due to this damned war in any case, some of which are going to affect us, and particularly me, here at Downton I'm sorry to say."

"Oh? How so my Lord?" Bates was curious to know.

"Can't say just yet old man, but as soon as I have definite news, I'll let you know, I promise."

"Of course, I understand," Bates had to say, but he was disappointed not to know more. No doubt time would tell just what was happening.

**xXx**

As Lady Sybil stood in front of the mirror for Anna to do up the hooks on her dress, she chatted away in her usual friendly manner.

"So you're a happily married woman now, Anna."

"Yes, indeed I am, My Lady."

"Your wedding was _so_ beautiful, it was such a lovely day wasn't it?"

"Yes it certainly was. Mr. Bates and I realise that we were very lucky, everyone was so kind to us."

"And do you like being married – well so far, anyway? I mean all that having to 'obey' your husband, are you really alright with that? Seems pretty barbaric to me, like a throw back to the stone ages."

"It's just a figure of speech really isn't it? I mean, as long as you marry the right man, 'obeying' him isn't going to be a problem, is it?" Anna explained.

"No, I suppose not. And err…having to do… you know… your wifely duties…"

Sybil was simply _dying_ with curiosity to find out more about '_it_', about just exactly what happened on your wedding night. No one would tell her _anything_ about it, so she hoped that maybe she would be able to persuade Anna to fill her in.

"What do you mean?" Anna asked evasively, having a pretty good idea where Lady Sybil's questioning was leading.

"Well, you know, what happens between a man and his wife… on their wedding night? How does he actually...you know? Does it hurt? Is it nice? Oh Anna, I just want to understand, that's all!"

"I don't think it would be right for me to be the one to explain it all to you My Lady, maybe you should talk to Her Ladyship. But what I can tell you is that as long as you marry the right kind of man, you don't need to worry or be afraid on your wedding night."

"So I'm guessing that you have married the right kind of man then?"

"Yes, I most certainly have," Anna replied with a smile, blushing as she recalled how wonderful her first time with her 'right man' had been.

"But how do you know, when you meet someone, if he is the right kind of man," Sybil persisted. She knew she dreamt all the time about Branson, but did that mean he was 'the right kind' – her father most certainly wouldn't think so.

"Oh you'll know. Just listen to your heart," Anna told Lady Sybil as she finished doing up her dress, and then gathered up her things to go.

That was the trouble though, Sybil sighed to herself as she thought about Tom Branson. Her heart most certainly told her that he _was_ the right kind of man for her. Apart from the fact that he was very good looking, that he had the most gorgeous twinkling eyes, that he was funny, clever, kind, and oh so many other things, they also had so much in common, with their shared interest in politics. However, her head told her that her father would be absolutely horrified and forbid any kind of relationship between his daughter and the young Irish chauffer, were he to get the slightest hint of anything developing.

So for her, it wasn't a case of 'just listen to your heart'. Things really weren't that straightforward for Lady Sybil, and right now she envied Anna her simple servant's life.

**xXx**

"I wonder if I might have a word with you, Doctor Clarkson?" Bates managed to catch the doctor on his way out from his latest check up on Lady Grantham. He knew that Thomas could see him talking to the doctor, and that he was now watching them closely.

"Oh right yes, well, I suppose I can spare you a few minutes. I was going to have a word with Thomas anyhow," he replied, as he checked his watch.

"Could we go somewhere quiet – only I wouldn't really want anyone to overhear," Bates suggested, pointedly looking over towards Thomas.

"Of course," said Doctor Clarkson, as he led the way into a side room.

"What's that bastard up to now? If he's making trouble for me with the doctor…" Thomas whispered urgently to O'Brien as they watched the two men disappear.

"Well, what can he say? You've got your place at the military hospital sorted now anyway."

"Yes, but I'll be under Doctor Clarkson's command, so if Bates is muck raking…" Thomas realised that Bates had worked out that he was not a man for the ladies, and it suddenly occurred to him that he could be in very serious trouble if a claim of improper actions could be made against him. And of course, Bates had a military background, so he would know how these things worked. It was certainly not Thomas' intention to spend the war in prison on homosexuality charges.

A few minutes later, Doctor Clarkson and Bates reappeared, and the Doctor beckoned to Thomas,

"Ah Thomas, I need to have a word with you."

Bates just stood there, looking on with an amused little smile playing around his lips as Thomas went into the room with Doctor Clarkson.

**xXx**

Bates was in the courtyard just outside the kitchen. He knew Thomas would come looking for him and he was ready and waiting. Sure enough, a few minutes later, Thomas stormed out, clearly upset and furious.

"You bastard! What the hell did you say to Clarkson about me? He's withdrawn my place at the hospital, due to 'information received'. He says I'll be receiving my call up papers in due course now instead."

"I didn't say anything about you Thomas, well, apart from the fact that you had expressed 'concern' about my leg on numerous occasions, which had encouraged me to consult the good doctor about any new treatments that might be possible."

"You're lying! Why else would he suddenly withdraw my place? You must have told him something about me to change his mind."

"What could I possibly know about you that would change his mind, hmm? Got some guilty secrets have you? Worried some dirty little deeds are finally catching up with you, Thomas?"

"You did it just because I upset your precious little Anna this morning. Well, let me tell you she's no better than a common whore, spread her legs wide for you did she…"

With that, Bates instantly landed a heavy punch in the other man's stomach, so that he doubled over, completely winded. A second blow to his chin knocked him to the ground, where Bates now stood over him with a foot on his chest.

"Now you listen to me, you nasty, filthy, low life. Don't you _EVER _speak about Anna in that way again, or I'll finish what I've started here. This is just a tiny taste of what I'm capable of, because crippled or not, I was trained to kill with my bare hands, and I've dealt with much bigger, meaner men than you. For your information, I didn't need to poison Doctor Clarkson against you, although the look on your face when you thought I was going to tell him about your 'queer' tendencies was priceless. But I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't send a man to prison where his life would be certain hell once word got round that he was a 'Nancy' boy. Neither would I wish to send him to almost certain death in war, not even you, Thomas. No, I just wanted you to have the seed of doubt lingering and festering in your mind all day, wondering what I'd told Doctor Clarkson. But someone had beaten me to it and had already had a word with the doctor about you, it turns out."

"What are you on about? Who spoke to him?" Thomas gasped, still lying on his back on the floor under Bates' foot.

"I couldn't possibly say."

"His Lordship received indisputable proof that you were a thief who stole from his colleagues, and he felt duty bound to inform Doctor Clarkson that he may wish to reconsider recommending and backing such a person," Mr. Carson's deep voice boomed out. He'd followed Thomas out and had been listening to the proceedings, not interfering until this point.

"What proof? What are you talking about?" Thomas asked, looking up from his undignified position on the ground, and noticing with horror that a crowd was now gathering round.

"You were seen taking my wallet out of my change coat, in my pantry."

"Molesley," Thomas muttered.

"I couldn't possibly comment, but I will say that it was unimpeachable proof. Let him up Bates, because I want Thomas to pack up and leave, today, now, don't worry about working out the rest of your notice, I don't want you in this house one minute longer than is necessary," Mr. Carson told him.

Bates reluctantly lifted his foot from Thomas' chest to let the man up. Thomas stood and brushed himself off, trying to regain some dignity.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't want to stay here, you're all pathetic, curtseying and doffing your caps to that lot, they're no better than us, and it's all going to change, you'll see," he told them, as he pushed his way through the crowd, back into the kitchens, and then disappeared up to his room to pack.

William was looking at Bates with pure admiration in his eyes.

"That was brilliant Mr. Bates! Will you show me how to land a punch like that, he never stood a chance did he?"

"Oh son, it was easy for me, because Thomas broke one of the elemental rules of combat," Bates told William with a smile.

"What's that?"

"Never underestimate your enemy'. He mistakenly assumed that I was a pathetic cripple unable to defend myself, which meant that I had the element of surprise on my side," Bates explained to the young lad, as they all went back inside. "But listen William, I don't condone violence as a way to resolve disputes. There's usually a far better way."

As he told the young man this, Bates was filled with sadness to think that William would shortly be going off to war, having volunteered to join the army. He would have to give him some tips and advice to try to help him stay alive, he was so young and inexperienced, and it made him so angry to think of how his young life could be wasted.

"Not with Thomas there wasn't, he got exactly what he deserved," William grinned, thrilled to see the man who had made his life a misery for so long, finally be put in his place.

"No, I think maybe in this case you're right, William. There was no other way to sort Thomas out." Bates had to agree.

**xXx**

"What's all this I hear about you being in a brawl with Thomas? What on earth could he have said to make you act that way?" Anna demanded to know, whispering furiously to Bates as they sat down to lunch. She'd been upstairs and so hadn't witnessed what had happened, but had come down to hear everyone talking about it.

"Not now, Anna. I'll fill you in later," he whispered back. But he knew that he would never repeat to Anna the filthy words that Thomas had used, of that he was certain.

Anna sat next to him at the big table, just as she always had, ever since Bates had first arrived at Downton. But it was different now. It was so hard to be near him, and yet be unable to touch him, to have to act as if they were just colleagues, as they'd been before. Bates gave her one of his wicked little looks, with just a tiny hint of a smile, and she found she knew exactly what he was thinking about, and she could feel herself blushing for the third time that day. How could a man melt her in such a way? With just one look from those eyes, she was wishing herself in his arms, in his bed….

Bates felt the touch of her leg next to his as they sat together, and it was all he could do not to touch her, to kiss her…he looked at her longingly, knowing she understood how he felt, that she felt it too…God he couldn't wait to get her home tonight, it was going to be a long day…

**xXx**

Finally it was time for them to leave, to return to Jardine Cottage. It was late in the evening; dinner was normally served at 8:00pm , and the servants had to wait to have their meal afterwards, once everything had been cleared away, and they were no longer required.

As they walked out in the dark and headed towards the little lane to their cottage, Bates took Anna's small hand in his much larger one, grateful to finally have some contact with her.

"It's been like sweet torture today my love, having you so near, yet being unable to even touch you. But at least I knew that we would eventually be heading home together," he told her.

As they turned the corner and were out of sight of the house, Anna stopped and pulled him down to her, to give him a long, lingering kiss.

"Mmm, I've been wanting to do that all day," she whispered breathlessly, as they finally pulled apart.

"Oh Anna, me too, but we really should wait until…" he was interrupted by her kissing him again, and he lifted her off her feet as he swept her into his arms to return her kiss with all the pent up longing that had been building up between them all day.

"Oh Anna, don't you realise you're playing with fire! If you don't stop this, I'll end up having to take you right here, right now, up against a tree," he teased her, as he urgently whispered into her ear.

"John, really! OK, perhaps we should hurry home then," she told him, shocked and yet excited by his words. She let him go so that he could put her down to resume their hurried walk back.

As soon as they got back to the cottage, they threw their coats off and fell into each others arms again.

He hungrily kissed her lips and then her neck, running his hands around her waist, her hips, her breasts. She undid his waistcoat and untucked his shirt to be able to rake her fingers across his broad hairy chest.

"Oh John, you've been so wicked all day, giving me those looks of yours," she told him.

"I don't know what you mean," John replied, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, but he decided to waste no more time as he took her by the hand and led her upstairs to their bedroom.

**xXx**

Their urgent desire for each other required no preamble or foreplay, and it wasn't long before they lay entwined together in a happy afterglow of mutual satisfaction. John was especially happy that his leg had not caused problems for them tonight, much to his relief.

"So come on, tell me what happened with Thomas to make you resort to punching him to the ground ? According to William, you're some kind of a hero."

"Nothing to tell really. Thomas just overstepped the mark once too often. I'm just glad he's finally gone, he was a particularly nasty piece of work, and I couldn't abide the way he treated William, bullying him the way he did. And it seems we have your Mr Molesley to thank for it in the end, apparently he caught Thomas red handed, thieving from Mr Carson's wallet."

"John, he's not 'my' Mr Molesley, I thought we'd sorted all that out," Anna told, him exasperated.

"I know, I know, I'm only teasing," John gently kissed her cheek to show he was speaking the truth and wasn't upset. After another minute or two, just as John had begun to drift off to sleep, he was roused by Anna's next line of questioning,

"John, about what Thomas said earlier, at breakfast."

"Hmm? What? What did he say earlier?"

"About…about the patter of tiny feet…"

"Ah right, yes…"

"Well, you know how we spoke, before we were married?"

John had been so sweet with her. Not long after he'd proposed, he'd sat her down and told her that they needed to talk.

"I just want to be sure, that you understand…that you know… that is, has your mother explained everything to you, about what happens between a man and a woman on their wedding night?" he'd said as tactfully as he knew how. He was aware that some girls hadn't actually got a clue what to expect, so he needed to be sure that Anna wasn't ignorant in that way.

"Oh John, I'm a country lass, so yes, I do know…that is, I understand what goes where," Anna had told him, a bit embarrassed, but impressed by his thoughtfulness.

"And you do know that, well what happens between a man and a woman – that's how babies are made, so once we are wed, you could get pregnant. And if you did, I'd be very happy about that, in fact I'd be over the moon, but how would you feel?"

"I'd be very happy too, I've always wanted a family of my own," she'd told him shyly.

"Yes, I remember that conversation very well," he said now.

"Well, do you still feel the same way, that you'd be happy if we had a baby?"

"Yes, of course I do, although I must say I wouldn't mind having you all to myself for just a bit longer, truth be told. But anyway…" he hesitated, not quite sure how to say what he wanted to say.

"What?"

"Well, in all the time I was married to Vera, we never had children. Now of course I don't know if that was through a fault of hers or mine, so I suppose I can't be sure that I am able to father children, that's what I'm trying to say. I always thought of it as a blessed relief as far as Vera was concerned, but if you want children…"

"Let's just wait and see what happens shall we? What will be, will be." Much as Anna liked the idea of having a family, the thought of actually being pregnant and giving birth rather scared her, so she didn't mind too much if it didn't happen straight away either.

"Yes, wise words. Anyway, we'd best get to sleep, it's another early start tomorrow after all."

With that, they both settled down to sleep in preparation for another busy day at Downton.


	8. Chapter 8

_I own none of the characters of Downton Abbey._

**To Have and to Hold**

**Chapter 8 **

**Peace **

"You can go up and see them," said the doctor as he came downstairs, rolling down his sleeves. "It was a difficult birth and she's had a hard time, but they're both doing fine now."

The doctor had been called in by the midwife, because she'd been very worried at how long Anna's labour was taking, and that she had been getting very weak.

John hurried upstairs, desperate to be allowed in at last. He'd been waiting for hours and hours, listening to Anna in the agonies of her labour, wishing there was something, anything he could do to help her in some way. Twice he hadn't been able to stand it any longer, and had gone up to the bedroom and pleaded to be allowed in. But both times he'd been turned away, first by Anna's mother who'd told him '_This is no place for a man._" and secondly by the midwife, who'd told him '_Get back downstairs and don't get under our feet_.' Finally, after hearing them urging her again and again to 'bear down' and 'push' and her screaming, groaning and whimpering that she couldn't do it, finally there had been the sound of a baby crying.

"Oh thank God, thank God," he cried out, wiping his hands over his eyes to brush away the tears of relief.

Now he slowly opened the bedroom door and looked in.

"Come on in then, she's very tired and worn out, so don't stay too long," said Anna's mother, as she left the room with a pile of blood soaked sheets.

Anna was propped up in bed, cradling the baby. She looked pale and totally exhausted, but so full of love as she looked at the baby. Hearing John come in, she looked up and smiled at him.

"Say hello to your son, John," she whispered, as he made his way over to the bed and lent down to tenderly kiss her.

"Anna, I'm so sorry, so very sorry for what you've had to go through…" he started to say, as he gazed down in awe at the baby.

"Hush, it's all over now, and it doesn't matter. Look at him, he's so beautiful, isn't he?" Anna was stroking the baby's cheek adoringly.

"Yes, he is, he's absolutely perfect," John replied, amazed as just how perfect he was.

He carefully sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the child they had created. He smiled as he put his large finger in the baby's tiny curled up fist, and then touched his tiny little toes that were poking out of the end of the blanket that he was wrapped up in.

"Anna, thank you so much for giving me a son, I never thought…" John struggled to speak, as he was overcome with emotion, by the strength of his feelings.

"Sshh, now. Would you like to hold him?" Anna offered, holding the baby out to him.

John carefully took his son, cradling him in his big strong arms, as he held him up to gently kiss his head.

"Why don't you sit and hold him while I just rest a bit, hmm?" she suggested.

"Yes, of course, you must rest after all you've been through," John agreed, as he sat down in the rocking chair with his baby son.

Anna sank back into the pillows, content just to watch as her big burly husband cradled his tiny new born baby.

"Hello, William John Bates. Welcome to the world," he whispered. As he glanced back at Anna, he saw that she had closed her eyes and was drifting off to sleep, completely drained.

Anna's mother came back in.

"Come on, I'll take him and put him in the crib so that Anna can sleep now," she said, holding her hands out to take the baby.

"Can't I just sit here and hold him for a while? I won't disturb Anna, I promise," John pleaded quietly.

"Well I suppose you can't do any harm, as long as you're as quiet as a mouse. I'll just be downstairs clearing up if you need me," she replied, smiling at him as she left. He'd been quite a surprise to her, she'd have expected an old soldier like him to have stayed well away while Anna was giving birth, but he'd wanted to be with her, he wouldn't go away, despite hearing all the goings on of a woman in the agonies of her first labour, giving birth to a big baby boy who was clearly going to take after his father in his build.

As John gently rocked in the chair, he whispered to his son.

"We've named you William after a very fine young man we knew, and if you grow up to be like him, I shall be very proud of you indeed, young fellow."

William had gone off to war, only to be killed in the first month, at the battle of Ypres. Daisy had cried for days, for weeks after hearing that William had been killed in action. She'd grown up a lot since then, and had now been promoted to housemaid. There were far fewer staff at Downton these days in any case, the men having gone off to fight, and some of the women getting better paid jobs that would not have been available to them before the war. Gwen was doing really well in her secretarial job, Mr. Bromidge was very pleased that he'd taken her on, and his business was booming, the telephone had proved to be a very useful and vital tool in wartime.

John had taken the news about William very badly, he'd looked on him almost as a son, and it hit him very hard. So when Anna had told him that she was expecting a baby after all this time, when he'd assumed that they weren't able to have a family, John had quietly made a suggestion.

"If it's a boy, do you think we could call him William?"

"I think that would be a perfect name for him," Anna had agreed, completely understanding John's sentiments.

As John looked down at the baby who was now sleeping peacefully, he reflected over the past few years. Four years they had been married. When there'd been no sign of a baby after the first few passionate months, John had resigned himself to the fact that they would not have a family, although he knew that Anna had never given up hope. But in any case, it had been hard during the war, he'd had to spend so much time away. Lord Grantham had not been called up for active service, but instead had been drafted into the War Office in London as an advisor on tactics and manoeuvres because of his Boer war experience. And of course, John had travelled to London with him – he felt he owed him his unconditional loyalty and support after being kept on despite his injured leg, and he had after all promised his Lordship that being married would not affect his duties in any way.

One good thing that had come out of the war – Lady Mary and Matthew Crawley had come to their senses. Nothing like a war to make people realise that there is no point in wasting precious time on stupid misunderstandings and petty arguments. He loved her. She loved him. Seeing Matthew going off to war had made Lady Mary swallow her pride and write to him to tell him that she loved him, and to beg him to forgive her indecision about marrying him and to allow her to explain why that had been. Of course there had been more to it than indecision over Matthew's prospects, as John had finally discovered.

One night not long after John and Anna had been married, he'd been commenting to her on what a fine, decent man Matthew Crawley had turned out to be, and that he couldn't understand why Lady Mary hadn't snapped him up when she'd the chance, title or no title.

"It may not have been that easy for her you know John, maybe there were other complications, other factors that have been weighing on her mind," Anna had said, in Lady Mary's defence.

"What do you mean? What other factors?"

"I can't say. I can't break a confidence, it's not my secret to tell," Anna had told him.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the rumours that I heard in London about that Turkish gentleman and Lady Mary, would it?" he'd asked, shooting Anna a very curious glance.

"You've heard rumours? How on earth did that get out, there were only three of us who knew…?"

"You're not saying…Good God, you mean to say that there _is_ some truth in them?" John had asked, very shocked indeed. He'd completely discounted the rumours, believing them to be impossible. "I think you might just as well tell me the whole truth about exactly what happened Anna; of course you know that whatever you tell me will be just between us."

So Anna had told him the whole sorry tale about Pamuk, and her role in the saga. John had been astounded.

"You did _what_? You, Lady Mary, and Lady Cora, just you three women carried his body all the way across the house?"

"Well what else could we do? What was done was done, so all we could do was just try to limit the damage," Anna had explained.

"Do you think he forced himself on her?"

"She said not, but what on earth was he doing in her room anyway? A proper gentleman would never have entered her bedchamber like that would he?"

"No, more like he was trying to seduce her and she was naïve enough to think it was her fault," John had agreed.

"It was very important to you that I was…untouched when we were wed, wasn't it?" Anna had asked him.

"Of course it was."

"And all men feel the same, don't they?"

"A man needs to know that the woman he marries is pure and unsullied."

"So, if Lady Mary had told Matthew Crawley about the Pamuk incident, he'd have been terribly upset and shocked, wouldn't he? And so he may well have rejected her, don't you think? But then if she kept quiet, just accepted his proposal and didn't tell him, she'd basically have been lying to him and one thing Lady Mary _isn't,_ is a liar, I don't think she could do that to him. So what was she to do?"

"Well yes, I suppose I can understand now what held her back from accepting him. But she has to talk to him, tell him exactly what happened, it's the only way. If Matthew Crawley is the man I think he is, then maybe they can sort this out, because he clearly loves her, that much is plain for anyone to see. Is it certain that the Turkish swine actually…?"

"I…I'm not sure, but I do know that there was no blood on her sheets." They both remembered the very obvious evidence on the sheets when John had taken Anna's virginity on their wedding night.

"So maybe he had his heart attack before he could actually…? Lady Mary has to talk to Matthew Crawley, to somehow get this sorted out between them. Life is too short, time is too precious to waste, especially now with this stupid war on." That was John's opinion on the matter.

And by some miracle, they did. When Matthew Crawley came home on his first leave, after a series of letters had been exchanged between them, they had got married, much to the relief of the Dowager Countess, Lady Violet.

"I told her to take him in the first place. Never would have had all this angst and sorrow if she'd only listened to me," she'd told everyone sanctimoniously.

Isobel Crawley was just pleased to see her son happy again, knowing how his heart had been quite broken when he'd gone off to war. But she also knew that to some extent it had been his own stupid pride that had stopped him from sorting things out with Lady Mary before he'd left. Quite how things had got sorted out in the end she wasn't too sure, but she was just relieved that they had.

Within a year, they had had their first child, a daughter named Lady Charlotte Violet Cora Crawley – known to everyone as Lottie. Whether they would have any more children, hopefully a boy to provide an undisputed heir to the estate, remained to be seen. Matthew had suffered a serious leg injury on the battlefield, one very similar to John's original leg injury. It had initially left him rather bitter and resentful of all the things that he would never be able to do again. John was reminded of himself in so many ways; he understood only too well the anger Matthew felt at no longer being the fit, able bodied and strong man that people respected. Being someone that was to be pitied or looked down on did not sit well with either man.

Lady Edith had beaten Mary to it and was already married – to Sir Anthony Strallen. Lady Edith had immediately sought him out and set things straight after her sister's revengeful meddling, and had quickly got married before anything else could put her suitor off – and before her eldest sister was married. She hadn't worried about the fact that her husband-to-be was more than twice her age; she was just thrilled about finally beating her older sister at something, and at the thought of having her own household to be in charge of.

But it seemed that it was not a happy marriage, as John had discovered from Anna as she sat one evening quietly repairing some of Lady Edith's nightgowns that appeared to have been ripped open, rather than undone. She had been helping Lady Edith to dress while she was staying at Downton, having just returned from her honeymoon. Lady Cora had come in to chat to her daughter, to find out how married life was suiting her. As usual, they ignored Anna, forgetting that she was even there.

"Oh Mama, it's just so awful," Lady Edith had told her mother tearfully.

"Why, whatever is wrong?" Lady Cora had asked, aghast.

"You know, the 'duties' that are expected of a wife. I find them just so…horrid," Lady Edith had shuddered in distaste.

"You mean your 'bedroom' duties?" Lady Cora had asked.

"Yes! He keeps wanting to...you know, _all _the time. It really hurt the first time, but he didn't care, he just said it was to be expected and that I shouldn't make such a fuss. And now he tells me that I _have_ to let him whenever he wants, it's my duty and that I should just to lie there quietly like a good girl. Then he slobbers over me and mauls me, and his breath reeks of cigars and whiskey. He makes these disgusting grunting noises too, like a pig. And then he just rolls off, falls asleep and starts snoring straight away afterwards. Oh Mama, it's just _repulsive_!"

Lady Mary had come into the room at the end of this conversation, having listened to it all from just outside the room. She'd smirked at her sister.

"What's the matter Edith dearest? Not having regrets already are we? After all, you got what you wanted, you managed to get the old booby to marry you, didn't you? You've made your bed, now all you have to do is lie on your back in it for him, it would seem."

Edith had given her sister a look of pure hatred as she'd turned back to her mother for some sympathy. Lady Cora had shot Mary a look, warning her to stay out of it.

"Well darling, I'm sure it's not really that bad, and anyway, you'll soon get used to things." This was, unfortunately, the best advice that Lady Cora could come up with. Like it or not, Edith was Sir Anthony's wife now, and she just had to get on with it. The fact that he was not a very good lover was just the way it was.

Anna had told John that she couldn't help feeling sorry for Lady Edith as she'd listened to this, despite the fact that she had always treated her with disdain. The comparison with her experience on her wedding night was not lost on her, and Anna had thanked her lucky stars that her husband had not treated her in such a way.

John had gathered from Sir Anthony's valet - who seemed to enjoy a good gossip even though John didn't encourage him - that Sir Anthony had been thrilled to land himself a much younger bride – he was old enough to be her father after all. The fact that she had a very impressive full bosom made up for the fact that she had a rather sour face in his opinion. As her husband, he considered that he was entitled to take his pleasure with her as often as he jolly well pleased, which was pretty often – a 'randy old goat' was how his valet had described him to John. Whether she welcomed Sir Anthony's attentions or not was neither here nor there as far as he was concerned. His first wife had been just the same, and it had never posed a problem to him. Naturally a woman wasn't expected to take any pleasure in the bedroom, she was simply required to do her duty and allow him his rights whenever and however he wanted them. Apparently that had been what he'd told her on their wedding night, as he'd forced his way between her legs and ripped her nightgown off in his impatience to get his hands on her breasts.

Lady Sybil had not married. She had got over her crush on young Tom Branson, coming to her senses before things had developed too far, realising that things could never work out between them. He had gone back to Ireland to pursue his political ambitions there. And Sybil had decided that she was _never_ going to tie herself down and promise to obey _any _man. Instead, she had volunteered to train as a nurse and had been serving in a field hospital out in France, much to her parent's and grandmama's horror.

**xXx**

Coming back to the present from his reminiscing, John watched entranced as his new born son stirred and yawned so sweetly, before settling back to sleep again. He thanked God from the bottom of his heart that the war was finally over. Just the thought of this precious boy having to go off to fight in a war one day filled him with anger and dread. Maybe Thomas had had the right idea. The rumour was that he had gone off to America to escape the call up, that he'd taken on a new identity and started a new life out there. It wouldn't surprise John in the least if that turned out to be the case, remembering how Thomas had always had a very strong self preservation streak.

Lord Grantham had tried to come back to Downton from his duties in London as often as possible, because he was worried about Lady Grantham. For a long time, she didn't seem to fully recover from her miscarriage; she sank into a depression, further dragged down by all the dreadful news from the war. O'Brien seemed totally devoted to Lady Cora, doing everything she could to look after her and cheer her up. Although she seemed to have become a nicer person since Thomas had left, neither John nor Anna would ever trust her. At least Lady Cora had become more cheerful and like her old self once Mary and Matthew had married, and then had had their daughter. Perhaps being a grandmother helped in some way to make up for the baby that she had lost.

How John had looked forward to his visits back to Downton when he was in London.

He looked over at Anna now, sleeping peacefully after her arduous exertions to bring their son into the world. He had become so scared when it had gone on for so long, scared that he could lose her, lose both of them. That would have been the most terrible punishment that he could ever imagine, and he thought that if that had happened he would not have wanted to go on living. Anna was his soul mate and his best friend, as well as his wife and his lover. Ever since he'd first arrived at Downton, they'd always sat next to each other at meal times, laughed and joked together, confided in each other, supported each other. How he'd missed her when he was away, and how hard it had been to have to be so restrained on his return while in the confines of the big house. Sometimes it was only for a day or two, sometimes a little longer. But they worked so late in the evenings, and had to be up so early in the morning for their duties, it left very little time for them to enjoy each others' company. So they had tried to find another solution.

"Make an excuse this afternoon when it's quiet, say you need to run an errand to the village, then meet me back at the cottage," John had urged her on several occasions. Afternoons were generally the quietest time of day, so permission was usually granted for errands to be run, but only on the understanding that it would not take long, because the preparations for the evening must never be delayed.

So then they would meet up, and put their precious time together to _very_ good use. John found Anna's rather naughty side surprising - but exciting. They had always kept to their rule that there would never be any intimacy between them while they were on duty at the big house, knowing that being caught would mean instant dismissal without a reference for both of them. But that didn't mean that they weren't tempted. John would look at Anna making the beds, seeing her bending over and thinking about her gorgeous peachy bottom, and he just wanted to lift her skirts and take her right then and there…so that time when they'd met up at their cottage, he'd acted out what he'd been imagining all day with her…

When Anna sat next to John at meal times, she couldn't help recalling how good it felt when she straddled him in bed, and she found herself daydreaming about sitting herself astride his lap as he sat there…so that's just what she'd done when they'd met up in the cottage that time, surprising him by not wearing any under garments…

Mr. Carson had smiled knowingly at Mrs Hughes when they'd seen Bates and Anna both return from their 'errands' with flushed cheeks and contented expressions. No harm was done, and in these difficult times they both felt that everyone should take their happiness when they could.

But in all that time, there had been no sign of a baby. Not, that was, until this last spring.

When Anna's monthly was late, she didn't dare to let herself hope. She didn't say anything to John, not wanting to get his hopes up. But when she missed her second monthly, and was sick every morning, she knew that it had finally happened - she was with child. So Anna had written John a letter, telling him that she had some news for him on his return from London. Naturally he was curious about what her news could be, but he never imagined that it would be that she was pregnant. He'd therefore been shocked when she'd told him.

"Are you sure? But…how…?" he'd stammered at her.

"Yes, the doctor has confirmed it, and if you don't know 'how' by now John Bates, then there really is no hope for you is there?" she'd teased him. She was so incredibly happy to finally be expecting. Even her family had stopped asking if she had any news for them, had given up hope, after all this time. But she hadn't. Somehow she'd always been sure that one day they _would_ have a child.

When the news had come through that the war was finally ending, coinciding exactly with when their baby was due, it had seemed like a sign, an omen of good times to come to John Bates.

And now his son William Bates would be free to grow up and live his life, as young William Mason, whose life had been so tragically cut short, could not.

John felt that he was truly blessed, blessed with the precious gift of his son. A son who could grow up here in at Downton, go to the local village school, come home to a wonderful mother like Anna. And he would try to be a good father, set a good example to him, to teach him right from wrong.

Yes, life had turned out very well for him, all things considered. He'd gone from being a crippled, drunkard thief in prison, to a happily married man with a wonderful wife and a beautiful baby boy, living a very good life at Downton Abbey with times of peace to come, not war.

**The End**


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